Tuesday, February 19, 2013
you tell me
Location: Blanchard Campus Center, Mount Holyoke College / South Hadley, MA
I am leaving South Hadley in a few hours.
Yet I feel no urge to explore the campus at all. Maybe it's because I'm lazy. Maybe I'm laid-back because I know I am coming back here for sure (actually I don't know that, but I would like to believe that). I am supposed to be in a creative writing class now.
Lately I've been thinking of getting a tattoo.
Not just lately. I've been thinking about it since I was Sec 4 (or was it Sec 3?). At some point I temporarily jettisoned the idea because I had no idea what I wanted for my tattoo. I was waiting for something life changing to happen before getting it inked permanently on my skin.
I think I know what I want now. Preferably I'll get the tattoo on my wrist. But I'm a little reluctant too because I like my wrists as they are now, pristine and unmarked. Plus my parents would be hopping mad to see the tattoo. Yet I'm not a huge fan of the idea of concealing the tattoo or having it somewhere I can hide with my clothes. The whole point of having the tattoo is to remind myself of what it is I want.
I have come up with three possible tattoos. All in text. The first one is "balance", because balance is very important to me. It's the key theme of my life. Balance is what I strive for in my life.
Along this thread, the next one is "dao" WTF. I'm sure people must be incredulous now, like "Why the hell would anyone want a 'dao' tattoo?" But the word holds a dual meaning for me – because I'm always being told I'm dao, and also because dao is the hallmark of Daoism. I'm not a Daoist and neither do I wish to be one, but the Daoist ideals of being in sync with the natural flow of things, of balance, appeals to me. If people ask me why I have a "dao" tattoo I'll just pull on a deadpan expression, say in a deadpan voice, "Don't you think I'm dao," while holding up my "dao" tattoo next to my face HAHAHHA wtf okay not funny.
The last one is "be kind". Because we all need kindness in our lives. And I want to remember to give that to people who need it (ie everyone). If I get this one it will be in a thin, loopy script. The "dao" one will be in caps, chunky, in a heavy font, but small. Not sure how I want the "balance" one to look like, but across my wrist I guess.
What do you all think? Wtf. I only want one (for now).
I had my interview just now with Maxine, a senior. Her name is befitting of her, she looks very French. She looks like a pixie actually, with her short brown pixie cut and those bright, curious eyes. She also speaks French.
Unfortunately I have no way of telling how I did. It wasn't even completely like an interview; it was more like a chat. I left the room feeling like I didn't leave much of a deep impression, which is important to do because I need to stand out amongst the many people who have come today. I hope she knows I flew all the way here, alone, just for this. I hope she knows how much I want this.
By all accounts I don't think I did bad, but it would be reassuring to know if I did well.
Was talking to Brendan just now; how much we have all changed. But I'd like to believe that deep down most of us are still the same as before. We haven't changed form; we have merely become more refined, edited versions of who we were from before.
Bought a Crabtree & Evelyn hand cream cuz my hands look dry and cracked.
Maybe I'll be more at peace if I can resolve all these internal debates. I would love to. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Or is it?
----------------------------
|
