Tuesday, March 26, 2013
New Orleans Pt 2 / DC
Ok pictures from my phone about the trip first. It is most likely I will only go develop the pictures from the film camera this weekend. THE HOST WILL FINALLY BE OUT THIS WEEK I CANNOT WAIT AND SURPRISINGLY THEY ARE BRINGING IT IN AT THE MEADVILLE CINEMA!!!!!! Despite its ulu-ness at least they have the sensibility to have these new films :')
On the cab from the New Orleans airport to the downtown area! The cabbie had the window open we don't know why.
Bourbon Street~ In the spirit of St Patrick's Day people would stand on balconies like these and throw beads down! And engage in other forms of merrymaking wtf like drinking and all. Some of them go crazy dancing on top and they accidentally slosh beer down.
Random streets near Bourbon Street hahaha these are all in the French Quarters. Oh god I love the French Quarters all the buildings are so beautiful *____* I can just take pictures there all day~~~~~
We got po-boys (a type of sandwich) from this store, Johnny's, which is apparently quite popular! And it was indeed, there was a line that formed all the way till outside the store when we got there. But of course it's not as hiong as KOI la with people queueing up for 2 hours just for a cup of bubble tea wtf. Also because they're quite fast with their service here, obviously they have to be because they know there are lots of people.
We tabao-ed and went to eat by the Mississippi River. After that we walked by the river. Does it not sound romantic? Wtf but the river wasn't very picturesque and I was there with my sister SO.
Hahahhaa I thought this was quite funny someone went to place a lei-thing around this random statue. Around town we'd see chains of beads and leis hung randomly at places all because of St Patrick's Day.
This was at some open area outside the St Louis Cathedral. This makeshift store in particular reminded me off a scene from Before Sunrise where Jesse and Celine were around the streets in Vienna and they come across this guy who makes a poem for them with a word they contributed.
Me looking touristy bah it's no fun to take pictures alone. This was at Magazine Street which I LOVED. It's this quaint little suburb (at least, I think it's a suburb. It's not that far away from downtown actually) with cafés, vintage/antique/thrift stores and houses. I love it I love it I love it I would totally live here. Oh Sandra Bullock has a house in Garden District, which is near this area.
The next morning we had dessert at this place, Brennan's. It had really positive reviews online so my sister wanted to go try Banana Foster Bread Pudding. When we got here we realized it was fucking atas and the breakfast set was priced between $42-$60 WTF. The desserts were affordable (for us) because well it's only dessert. I have pictures of the dessert on my camera so that'll come up again later.
But anyway, it was really good! The banana foster bread pudding that is. There was rum in it yummmmm and I also got pecan pie. Actually I got quite full but made myself finish it so it would be worth it. Everyone in there looked rich and the waiters all wore suits....
Ok rest of the pictures are from DC haha.
I actually took a lot of pictures in DC, but nearly all of them are from the Museum of Natural History! So I'm not going to post them up don't wanna bore you all la right. I mean why would you want to see pictures of animal figures and rocks/gemstones right wtf. Just Google it.
But here are some.
Hahahahhaha wtf saw this and got reminded of Darren Koh who is in army he ignored my last Whatsapp T____T ahbear did you throw your Blackberry away or something
This is a Eurasian harvest mouse!!!!! It is really tiny
A butterfly trapped in amber. Very rare! I thought it was quite pretty *__*
On the second day we went to the National Museum of Crime & Punishment and I didn't talk any pictures there but hahaha I had to take a picture of this:
I really think it's fucking hilarious?!?!?! They had stuff like this on the walls with different questions. HHAAHAHA it reminds me of the ridiculous MCQ options available when you do multi-choice questions sometimes. "Send a meaner message back to them" okay actually that sounds like something I might do.
Also went to this Malaysian restaurant aptly named, uh, "Malaysian Kopitiam".
Actually the food was not great but I guess we make it a point to get Asian cuisine when we travel because we just miss food like that too much.
My sister and her horfun, which was strangely like a soup.
My bowl of curry chicken and a bad photo of me taken by my sister wtf actually she took a better picture of me after but it's ugly so I'm not going to post it.
Ok end of pictures! This post is terrible I cannot be arsed to type properly wtf.
I went to class just now actually and was intending to complete this post after I finish classes today and after gym. BUT Professor Williams (the Sociology professor) didn't turn up -____- SO IRRESPONSIBLE HE DIDN'T EVEN EMAIL US TO SAY HE WAS NOT GOING TO TURN UP.
While waiting I was playing a game on my phone but the other classmates started standing up in the class imitating him saying things like "SOCIETY SUCKS!" HAHAHAHAHHA.
After 15 minutes everyone decided to leave, and one person wrote on the chalkboard "Lee, we were here. We tried. You didn't." LOL. I wonder if he's even going to be here today.
And even until now he hasn't marked our assignments yet!!!!!!! He kept giving excuses like "I'm having more classes this semester, so I'm busier" HELLO you've had weeks to mark our assignments!!!! If you're not going to grade our assignments then DON'T assign us 15 page essays!!!!!! In fact, don't assign us any work at all! What's the point of having us stay up late and wasting our weekends watching two-hour long videos when you're not going to grade the work?!?!?!
Always dreading my Tuesdays and Thursdays because it's on these days that I have the worst classes ever. These are supposed to be relatively interesting topics but the professors are fucking awful. Lee Williams, with his irresponsibility and dogmatic leftist lectures; and then David Buck WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
I was fucking pissed when he emailed us over break and assigned us homework. Fuck you, you should have told us BEFORE break! I was pissed because I didn't bring the books along. And I have no respect for him because he doesn't even know what he's talking about in class. I think even this sophomore in the class (who is a Religious Studies minor) is more capable of teaching the class than he is.
When I opened his email over break and read it I immediately expostulated, "Asshole David Buck!"
Wa fuck I really hate him.
And every class I have to sit there listening to him teach, pretending like he really understands the topic when he doesn't.
I think he is assigning the work to glean knowledge from our homework submissions wtf.
Sorry if this post is ahlian-ish I feel terrible and I need to rant.
I suspect my subsequent posts will be like this too sigh I really don't feel like doing anything because I feel extremely pent up. Hopefully the gym will make me feel better later.
Have to go see David Buck's face in another 45 minutes T___T if only I can skip it sigh but we have to turn in our assignment today.
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Monday, March 25, 2013
Michelle: What's wrong with you?
Me: I'm depressed.
Michelle: Just because of that B-minus? God Aubrey–
Me: No. I mean, yeah, because of the B-minus. But I've been depressed for weeks. I just want to go home. I don't want anything to do with school.
Michelle: You have sundowners.
Me: What?
Michelle: Sundowners. Was it sunny all the time in Singapore?
Me: Yes.
Michelle: Then you have sundowners. It's when you move to a place where there isn't enough sun, and you don't get enough vitamin D. So you feel depressed.
I wish it was as simple as sundowners because how can I be this depressed for weeks without even knowing why and if you knew me you'd know this kills me even more because when it comes to my own feelings I always need to know the answers I always need to know why
Even admitting this aloud is shameful because I can just feel your contempt, traversing the oceans and miles to this desk at which I sit. You care. I'm here for you, you would say. But beneath that a wisp of the sentiment "Be stronger" is left unuttered. But I feel it, it's palpable like heat clinging onto air on a hot summer day, I see it in your eyes, as if you were right in front of me. Your gaze is enough to have me retreat further into myself.
My dear, if you care, then where are you?
Don't misconstrue my intentions... I never felt that way.
I am oversensitive, neurotic, overwrought. Why is it that after years of shunning physical touch, of recoiling as my mother attempts to lay her hand upon my shoulder, of twisting uncomfortably as I am caught in an embrace... All I want for now is to be held, for someone to stroke my hair and tell me that everything will be okay? I will not be convinced, because nothing in life is ever "okay". But I would think that in that moment, I would believe it.
Pictures from New Orleans/DC soon, after I finish this roll of film.
LOL sidetrack: Michelle is talking to her mother on the phone and telling her mother "PA" but her mother didn't get it so she just snapped, "P! As in 'P' for 'penis', mom!"
Ok I don't know what else to say bye.
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Saturday, March 23, 2013
talking to the moon
Maybe Murakami is on to something, with loneliness being a motif in all his work. It appears over and over again, and I always refused to believe that we are always lonely, somehow. But beneath the polished veneers we put up, perhaps deep down we are all desolate, our hearts crying out for something out there.
We all think we have someone, or someones; we all think if we don't have anyone, we will be strong enough to stand alone. It seems that in either case, when it really comes down to it there will never be anyone, we will always enter/leave/go through this life alone.
This realization has shaken me inexplicably and I'm not sure I can see the world or people or myself the same way anymore.
I'm not sure I can take it.
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Tuesday, March 19, 2013
a superior inferior man
"I must quit marrying men who feel inferior to me. Somewhere there must be a man who could be my husband and not feel inferior. I need a superior inferior man."
— Hedwig Kiesler
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Sunday, March 17, 2013
New Orleans Pt 1
So... As you all know, I bought a bunch of point and shoot cameras.
Went to develop the first roll of films today and had them burnt into a CD! They're not awesome, in fact some of them are botched because I didn't remove the film properly at first and it got exposed HAHAHA. The colors also didn't turn out the way they did when I looked in the viewfinder but that's fine I guess. Am a little disappointed because the colors really were beautiful but then I realized this is what I wanted: to not know what the pictures are going to be like, and be surprised by them.
Hopefully the next time I'll be a little more pleasantly surprised though HAHA. Will work on my skills and take better pictures the next time round :-)
Am too lazy to arrange the pictures in the order they are taken so I am going to just caption them. They are in this haphazard order la.
These are the first two shots of the film. I loaded the film into the camera while waiting for my flight at Pittsburgh Airport and the manual said to fire shots (usually 3) until the picture counter moves to 1 and so I just pointed the camera at a random spot and did it. But the film was loaded well enough already so I wasted 2 shots on some ugly grey chairs and the US Airways sign -_-
Photo of some bricks on the road + my toes (nails are coated in brown nail polish hurhurhur)
One of the tiles next to my feet says "HONEYBUN & SNOODLEBUNNY" I thought that sounded quite cute.
TOOK THIS FOR SHERYL look there's a bar/pub called Cats Meow!!!!
It was very happening, tons of people on the balcony drinking and cheering and throwing beads down (a Mardi Gras practice). People downstairs seemed to be having fun too partying and going at the karaoke machine we should go here next time!!!
Don't know what this is wtf. Think I tried to take a junction but failed cuz the flash wasn't strong enough to hit everything
Frenchmen Art Market!
My fatface & I sigh
Was SO looking forward to this picture of my sister because the colors in the viewfinder were beautiful!!!!! This picture had such great potential but look at how I screwed it :(
Pirates Alley! Did not intend for the flash to hit the metal sign and reflect it but isn't it quite cool how it's glowing *__*
While waiting for the pictures to be developed I walked around the vicinity of our hotel (my sister was napping in the hotel room) and in this more desolate part of the neighborhood up ahead of me I came across a black couple and their young son. The fat lady was arguing and shouting a little aggressively at her husband and I thought to myself "Oh no please don't let there be a fight" and I made a very conscious decision to keep my eyes pointed elsewhere, like I was looking about vacantly and completely oblivious to their presence. That wasn't wrong I suppose, because we are strangers and it's not wrong to not pay close attention to somebody you pass by on the street.
But as I went past them the fat lady broke off momentarily from the argument, smiled at me and said, "You look beautiful! You're really pretty!" Reflexively I smiled and thanked her and went by on my way. Behind me the rancorous ranting started up again and she and her husband became to debate over something and I felt bad for how I had judged her, how I had judged them. It made me realize that I have so much more to go before I can completely view and treat people AS PEOPLE, and not for their physicalities. This is what I need and want to be able to do.
My sister and I went on a Ghost/Vampire Tour just now (New Orleans is apparently a very haunted city). We leaned against the wall outside this pub, Johnny White's Hole in the Wall, waiting for the tour guide. Suddenly this black guy (no racism intended here, I am just saying he's black because that's what he is) with dreadlocks plants his palm on the spot of the wall next to me, and leans in close. I freeze. Mostly because I have no idea what he's about to do.
"Do you know..." He begins, leaning even closer. I look right ahead, trying to ignore him.
"... You're beautiful!" He finishes. WTF.
"Thank you," I say it as he leans back to look at me.
"But you already knew that. You're beautiful," he says it again before stumbling off (think he was semi-drunk).
Writing about this might make me appear very conceited but I just find it amusing to be complimented by strangers (same compliment, same day) WTF. I'm very flattered, and thankful, although I can't see why they would think I look good when my face is speckled with zits and my hair is unruly and too-black hahahahhaha. And I'm sure there are other girls who receive compliments ALL day la.
Ok gonna go shower because my sister finally came out of the bathroom.
Just realized I missed out some pictures so here are more.
One picture that got ruined because I didn't keep the film properly. Anyway it's damn funny la there was this street artist doing caricatures and as you can see he has this sign "UGLY PEOPLE ONE DOLLAR EXTRA" HAHAHAHHAHAA. When I took this photo there was this old couple having their portraits sketched (if this picture wasn't ruined you'd see them on the right). I hope they didn't think I was trying to imply that they're ugly.
Johnny's Po-Boys! I don't actually know what po-boys are, but this store is very famous apparently. The line indeed was rather long, it snaked outside to the street. But of course it can't compare with KOI at the peak of the bubble tea craze haha. We got two po-boys – in oyster and crab cake.
Ironic how the ruined pictures turned out better than the ones that aren't WTF.Labels: Photography
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New Orleans!
Me: Why you take until my face so fat!!!
Sister: Because I see the background ugly so I can't be bothered to make the picture look nice.
Me: ...
In New Orleans nao!
^ /points above
You shall read the following post with me staring at you.
New Orleans is mesmerizing! I've only been to the French Quarters, but still. The weather is amazing. My Polaroid 35mm point and shoot camera accompanied me through the trek through the neighborhood~ I can't wait to develop the photos, hope they turn out well. A bit iffy because of the flash (cannot be turned off, fires on every shot) and lack of manual focus... After all this IS a point and shoot, and not a digicam/manual camera! But if the pictures turn out the way they appeared in the viewfinder I will be one very very happy girl. The colors were so dreamy they have struck right through to my heart.
Coincidentally it is St Patrick's Day today and the French Quarters were even more crowded than usual! The merrymaking brought this festive atmosphere but it was not without its brawls and friction – witnessed people getting into fights and others getting high on weed as if marijuana was the final breath of air in this world.
Not that it's apparent in the picture but I got my hair dyed black! Got it dyed to this brown with a reddish tint midway through last semester, then the roots grew out and I couldn't be arsed to get them touched up (didn't love my hair color anyway...) So I just bought black dye and had Michelle manage it all for me on Thursday. Now my hair is darker than my original color – the blueness of it now frames my face and emphasizes the sallow, yellow undertone in my skin :'( my first reaction was derogatory ("Fuck now I look like an ahtiong"), but this is with no offense to ahtiongs out there ok I know the problem lies with my own natural skin tone LOL.
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Thursday, March 14, 2013
updatezzz
We lead starkly different lives now. And that's fine by me. But it's just sad to know that the overlap between my life and some people's can be so small, when it used to be very big. But that's okay, these things happen.
This morning I was talking to Michelle and I realized I haven't been writing about what has been going on in my life very specifically, so I'm going to just do a summary of what has actually happened so that I'll look back and remember haha.
God I feel so nervous now I don't know why. The hairs on my body are literally standing.
The roommate conflict reached a fever pitch when we came back this semester. Everything detonated on the second day when Michelle and Ginger Hannah got into a fight one morning; I woke up to their fighting. After some time meetings with the RAs were planned, altercations still happened, we tried to resolve them, mostly things are okay now because I think we are all comforted by looming Spring Break and imminent end of the school year (only 6 more weeks of classes after a week of Spring Break!). I'm fine with Hannah now although some of the things still bug me but these things can't be helped I suppose because we just have really different living habits.
With friends from back home... The only people I talk to consistently enough now are Sheryl, Javan and Zexun. People I talk to with a sporadic consistency are Ahkiat, Zhihao (hi Lau ren if you're reading this lol), Brendan since a month ago (but he's in army now), Justin, and Kelila. I'm probably gonna get judged la because I talk to guys a lot but hey fuck you I don't care. I know I'm not a tease and that's good enough for me. And I talk to Sheryl A LOT (i.e. everyday if we can help it) god part of me marvels at the fact that I used to be annoyed when she would spam me incessantly. Now it's like she has melded her position in my life and I honestly believe if she were to leave I would be very very sad. She is in Jakarta now and is unable to get connection I MISS YOU ALREADY SHERYL :'(
I talk to Theo/Phoebe/Alicia perhaps once a month or so. THEO ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING READING THIS. I know Phoebe reads my blog but maintains this silent, voyeuristic stance. I hope you guys are enjoying internship, and yes FMS is rather hellish and maybe because I've been out of it for so long now I cannot relate... But I really do wish the best happiness for you guys, please don't be so emo okay it breaks my heart.
It's midterms week and I have a Sociology exam later. The study guide I prepared is next to me on the table but I just can't bring myself to revise it again because I'm so affected by some news I learnt of this morning. Caffeine has this ability to make you exceptionally sensitive to everything; now I'm all high-strung and wired and I hate it but this clear alertness feels great too.
Applied to 4 schools for a transfer, but the only one I really really want to get into is Mount Holyoke College.
My classes this semester have been going great for the most part, but I kind of dread Sociology and Religious Studies. Both classes are 75 minutes long each, and they're on the same days. So my Tuesdays and Thursdays go by very tediously. Sociology: while I enjoy the texts and things we learn, Professor Williams is SO leftist oh god I don't think I can take it. I'm definitely not very conservative but to so blatantly impose your political/social views in class... I don't appreciate that because teachers should try to maintain some neutrality. Objectivity seems like an impossible ideal but it doesn't mean you shouldn't TRY.
Religious Studies is a bore because Professor Olson was sick and his classes were just lectures with him droning on and on but I had to keep myself rapt and attentive because I knew if I let my attention slip a little bit, I would miss out on a lot. You could argue it's the same for every class, and this isn't to say I don't give my full attention in other classes, but the readings for Religious Studies confuse me so the lectures are really to clarify my doubts (or they just end up confusing me even further sometimes).... But Professor Olson is not returning for the remainder of the semester and they got somebody else to come take over the class. He doesn't seem to know what he's doing, I get the sense he's just making his way through and that he doesn't have the right knowledge and capacity on the topic of the class, i.e. Zen Buddhism. Whenever he teaches I get all skeptical because he's just not as convincing as Professor Olson! Whatever he says doesn't even correspond a 100% with the readings!
I lost weight. I'm happy.
Got kind of depressed last month when a friend tore himself away from me. Actually, he didn't do that. I guess it's my own fault because I misjudged the position he had in my life. Put him closer to me than he was ready for, and willing to stand. So it's not really his fault, I guess my expectations were wrong. God as I write this I feel like crying. I am at work so no, I'm not going to. It hurts nonetheless but I only have myself to blame for my own stupid expectations. It's like I thought he stood next to me when really he was a mile away, and then I turned around and realized he was really far away... I almost can't see him from where I stand at all. Ultimately it's my own erroneous belief that is to blame, right? But still it hurts it hurts it hurts but... I... Will be okay.
Can't wait for today, and the Sociology exam, to be over. My Spring Break will be spent in Washington, DC and New Orleans, locations of my sister's choice. At this point I just need to get out of academia a little bit because my mind is driving itself insane. Have been running in circles chasing my own tail like a little dog and the speed at which I'm going is going to make me veer and fall to the side. Am barely holding myself together; some days I feel fine, on others I feel like shit. I need my cameras.
OOH I JUST CHECKED AND MY POLAROID CAMERA IS HERE /wide smile but I can't take any pictures with it because I don't have any Polaroid films. BUT STILL
Finished 1Q84 last month, my Kindle is awesome. The book took me over a month to finish, I read it during the small gaps of time between classes, meals and work, and before I went to bed. A month is a really long time to finish a book but I am kind of okay with that because this book in corporeality is a thousand pages. Toiling my way through The Presidents' Club and Quiet now, both of which are nonfiction books. I want to just jump right into another fiction book already but I'm not really sure if I could commit to another book at this point without giving up the ones I'm already reading right now. The Presidents' Club will take quite a lot of time to finish because it's as long as 1Q84 I think. Spring Break shall be made use of as much as possible for READING. And phototaking, if my cameras get here on time.
Professor Barbara Shaw is awesome... I love her. :')
Abrupt end to post because I'm getting off work and going for lunch.
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Monday, March 11, 2013
lookin' for adventuuuure
Updating here instead of doing my schoolwork because I am an avid procrastinator. Procrastination always comes with guilt because you're constantly being haunted by the thought of "Oh God I shouldn't be doing this I should be doing [insert productive activity here]", but hey when did that ever stop us right? We still procrastinate anyway. It's only a matter of how well we can control it, procrastination is impossible to eliminate.
The terrible part of it is, lately I haven't been able to effectively manage my procrastination at all. It makes me wonder if I'm losing control.
I want to blame the Mount Holyoke trip for breaking my routine and well yeah maybe that did shake things up a little bit but it's been nearly a month and to use miso soup as an analogy, the miso powder settles eventually after you have stirred the soup. So there is no excuse... 3 weeks is long enough to readapt to a routine.
Perhaps it's because I feel so disjointed, like I'm leading too many different lives. To an extent that has always been the case: I've got my life here, I've got my life back home. But I guess living out two different identities has its strains.
Ultimately, I am me. There is no denying that. But who I am here is just... So — no, I don't know if I can use "so", so I'd just settle for "quite" — quite different from who I am back home. I have never been the loudest person around, never been the one who made fun of myself to elicit laughter. Back home I talked a lot more, though. I think a lot about things here (not to say that I didn't back home, hey if you know me well enough you'll know I've always been neurotic) but it ends there. Everything stays inside, perhaps it's festering and now this pressure is manifesting itself in the ugliest ways.
Control. It has always been important to me. Have been told many times by people – implicitly, directly, or subtly – that I guard myself too much. I know this to be true because while I am open, frank, and candid, there are always parts of myself I keep a tight rein on. I think it's rare for people to catch me seriously off-guard. I'm not best at thinking on my feet but I'd like to believe I lie or put up a good enough guise to throw people off from what I'm really thinking. Or maybe I have overestimated by own chameleonic abilities haha.
It's not just in the way I present myself. I'm not the most hardworking person, but not the laziest either. Working hard for what you want is something I believe in. Sometimes I don't feel like doing things but I always, always force myself through it. Can't say I put in a 100% every single time because undeniably I can get extremely half-assed about plenty of things. Even if I've failed, somehow, because of the little effort I put in the fall has always been cushioned and it never felt too bad, although it's still a fall nonetheless and I feel the pain enough to guilt myself into working hard the next time round.
I have lost that now, and I don't know why. It has just slipped away from me recently and I just really don't know why. There's this void in its place but the problem is I can't even fucking describe what I've lost. Certainly not facing an existential crisis or anything of that sort but I really don't know what brought on this lack of motivation.
This isn't to say there aren't things I want to do. I've been grilling myself with "What the fuck is wrong with me why don't I feel like doing anything" but then I realized there are things I want to do. I just realized all these things: a) have almost nothing to do with graded schoolwork; b) are things I can do back home.
So maybe I miss home.
Which is a huge slap in my face, I think. This semester I've been settling in quite nicely and I really don't feel that out of place anymore. It's as if I've had long enough of a presence here and I've made my own idiosyncratic mark on this campus. Whether I like it or not is another story, but I no longer think to myself, "What the fuck am I doing here?"
So I don't know why I miss home. I don't even think I miss it, that much. This call, this deep yearning, it has to be for something more, something deeper. Right?
In the spirit of full disclosure here are things I'd much rather be doing:
1. Taking pictures with a film camera
And this is going to happen, I swear. Just last night I bought a fucking instant Polaroid camera (only $15 with shipping!) but FML I didn't have the sensibility to check how much the film would cost. And guess how much it is? Answer: $3 apiece. FUCK. I got incredibly mad with myself; the thoughts that put my head on overdrive: how could I not have checked the film cost before buying the camera, now I have a chunky piece of plastic that I can't even use, and I have to lug it home on a transcontinental flight lasting for a day, and then upon arriving at Changi Airport I have to lug it across the island to my new house in Lakeside. Fuck la.
My impulsively acquired Polaroid Impulse
Guess what? Didn't stop me from being completely reckless: a few hours ago I bought 3 more film cameras (only $13.85 with shipping!) on eBay. Now I'll have more chunks of plastic to lug home (at least I can use them). Also bought black and white film ($12 for 6 rolls of 12 exposure!) because I cannot wait to use the cameras to take pictures.
Pink LeClic 38mm Easy Shot 1000; Yellow Vivitar A35 Splashproof; Black Polaroid 35mm
They are all from the 90s. So they're around my age. Cool! Let's be friends. Wtf.
Black and white film roll x6
Now I'm bidding on two separate listings on eBay for films for my instant Polaroid camera. If I win, I'll get 20 pieces of film costing an average of $1 apiece. Not cheap, but hell it's less inexpensive than the ones listed on The Impossible Project (sole existing manufacturer for Polaroid films), so I'll take it. Fuck I am actually super excited to use my Polaroid camera. I told Sheryl I want to use it to take pictures of people I care about, and those pictures will mean a lot to me because each piece of film is so expensive, I will very carefully pick the subject matter of those pictures. Also told her she's one of the people whom I will take a picture of and she said "I LIKE THAT" HAHAHA.
DOES NOT NEGATE THE FACT THAT I BLEW OVER 30 BUCKS IN A DAY ON THESE PIECES OF PLASTIC I WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO TAKE WITH ME ON A (NEARLY) 9500 MILE JOURNEY HOME
But I know if I don't do it, my mind cannot be at peace. As fucking dramatic as that sounds. Ever since last night the cameras have just consumed my mind. Images of cameras pervaded my restless slumber. The moment I woke up I grabbed my phone to scroll through listings of film and camera on eBay and Etsy. In my classes today, my mind was like two trains travelling on two tracks – one chugging along with the pace of the class, the other rushing by with a constant rumble of "WhichcamerashouldIbuywhichcamerashouldIbuy oh god I need to buy that camera before somebody else gets it I NEED THAT CAMERAAAAAA"
I can't wait to hold them in my hands. Come to me soon, cameras. We will be best of friends. /psychotic smile of a mentally disturbed being who has to resort to deriving friendship and companionship from old cameras
2. Making videos and documentaries
Not going to reveal too much about it here but I intend to shoot a documentary back home this summer. It will be about the acting industry in Singapore. I'm doing this out of my own interest in the subject, not really because I wanna be like "Hey look I'm so fucking amazing I made a documentary! Am I not the most capable person ever?" In fact it probably will turn out to be more like a vlog than a snazzy, professional documentary, especially since I don't have a high-definition camera to shoot with.
Am I deluding myself when I say I have this irrational confidence that an awesome camera will just magically appear for my usage...? I really believe so! I don't know why. It's just this strange premonition! I just know it's going to happen.
3. Designing/Constructing an accessories rack
And I did the first part of this already.
Was trying to write my FS paper yesterday when I got distracted because this idea just struck me. J.K. Rowling says the idea for Harry Potter came to her on a delayed train ride, and she said the idea must have been floating around in the air looking for a home when it decided on zooming into her empty head. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I FELT. I was getting pissed with myself because I wasn't even writing my paper properly (no motivation, remember?), and it's not that I dreaded it or didn't want to do it but I just... Couldn't do it. Then this idea consumed me the way the cameras did today/last night.
I have many bangles back home and the current racks available that people use are really not ergonomic at all (in my opinion)! So I started to think that maybe I could make one for myself that I would use. That's when it started... I spent the rest of the next few hours researching what kinds of storage systems/racks for bangles are already on the market. I am happy to say that I have come up with a new design mwahahahaha I'm going to build it on my own when I go home and then when I'm done with it I will gaze upon with a motherly pride
DOES NOT NEGATE THE FACT THAT I BLEW OFF 3 HOURS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SPENT WORKING ON MY PAPER
4. Shopping for a new wardrobe
Lest you think I am an utterly lazy and frivolous bimbo, I am telling you right now: SHOPPING REQUIRES SKILL. Or more specifically, creating a new wardrobe is an art form that requires skill and sound judgment.
My days of being a passive shopper are long over. THE NEW ERA BEGINS NOW. (Er, actually, it has begun for me about a week ago. But anyway.) I have decided to stop buying shitty and ill-fitting clothes that look nice on the model but look terrible on me. I have decided to stop buying these clothes that I always end up not wearing. It takes a toll on my wallet and I'm sure it takes a toll on the clothes as well; how sad they must feel, spending their days stashed in a dark corner of a drawer, squashed alongside other garments, never to see the light of the day! And when they do see the light of the day, they are promptly thrown into a pile that eventually ends up in a garbage bag en route to the incinerator/Salvation Army wtf.
I also do not want to look like shit anymore. Here in Meadville I still dress like shit because there is no one I care enough about to want to leave a good impression upon. I mean obviously I want people to think well of me but I just can't be bothered to dress up here. I care enough to not go to class in sweatpants and hoodies but I am not going to bother with matching my clothes when I spend most of my time outside of class in the dorm room or gym anyway.
From now on I will only buy clothes that fit me well, are timeless, and are easily matched. SEE: shopping supposes self-control too! Because if want to look well-dressed you have to refrain yourself from buying bad clothes. You NEED a rational and clear mind in order to make a sound judgment (e.g. "Wow this top looks awesome but a) will it look good on me; and b) will I be able to wear this next year?") THAT is exactly what you need to steer away from the temptations of trends. Being too trendy is like putting a time stamp on yourself yo. It's the reason why the adults cringe at their pictures from the 80s'.
Digressing a little, did you all realize that some of the 80s' trends are back in style now? I don't know if I'm just blinded but I think most people dress much better today! I mean look at that picture from the 80s! What were they thinking?????? THOSE CLOTHES DON'T EVEN FIT WELL ON THEM /gay-fashion-designer-swoon upon witnessing fashion faux pas
Ok. I feel much better.
DOES NOT NEGATE THE FACT I BLEW AN HOUR WRITING THIS BLOG POST WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN WRITING MY PAPER OR STUDYING FOR SOCIOLOGY
I HATE MYSELF
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