Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I just need to know that I can breathe
I am disappointed not because you left, but because I let myself believe you cared.
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Monday, February 25, 2013
toothpaste
Living in a dorm means having to share your showers, bathrooms, and very often, rooms with other people.
Went to brush my teeth just now and after half a minute of brushing I looked down and saw that because I had been leaning against the sink, a bit of toothpaste got onto my pajamas pants.
The blasphemy! These are my favorite PJs! They keep me warm and it's soft and fluffy, and it has 'I ♥ chocolate' and cocoa cup prints all over.
Who's the bitch who brushed her teeth and spat everywhere without flushing away the toothpaste?!?!?!
I tsk-ed and inwardly cursed the person who did it, whoever she was, but the very next moment my mind was arrested by a memory of myself, at a sink – a pale yellow one, wide, with bottles and bottles of products laid out.
My sink from my bathroom back home.
I was standing in front of the mirror too, about to brush my teeth, still using the same brand of toothpaste (Colgate, by the way, in case you were wondering), when I looked down and saw two coagulated pieces of toothpaste in the sink.
Then, I had tsk-ed too, irritated. In the evening when my parents were home I caught my mom and bitched to her.
"叫 Ziliang 不要每次刷牙以后没有把牙膏洗掉！留在 basin 里面很恶心！"
My mom turned to my brother and berated him, and he responded with a series of halfhearted grunts to pacify her.
Back in that disgusting Walker Annex bathroom, I pulled out a towel from the towel dispenser and wiped the toothpaste off my pants.
And then, smiling, I wiped away the coagulated toothpaste stuck on the sink, just like I had done for my brother many times before.
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Saturday, February 23, 2013
I'm losing my patience for the time that you wasted
You know you've come to a point in the semester where you're getting too cozy with the inertia even though the work keeps coming at an accelerated rate.
Table's a fucking mess. Bed's a fucking mess. Shopping bags are littered around my desk because I've been too lazy to unpack the things I've bought. I have an exam to study for, nearly a hundred terms and concepts to get familiarized with but I haven't started at all. More applications forms for my transfer that remain unfilled and unsent.
Yup, all the symptoms are there.
The most telling sign of all, though, is the shower. I have always been known for taking notoriously long showers. What do you expect, showering is very often my favorite time of the day. People hate the showers in our dorm buildings, and I don't love them, that's for sure – all that nasty hair stuck on the cubicle walls and gathered in a bunch at the shower strainer, ugh, gross – but bathrooms are the few places where you can be alone and no one can bother you. So I'll take it. As long as the water gets hot.
I stood there with water beating down the nape of my neck. I wrapped my arms around myself and stared at my feet. I've done everything I need to in the shower – shampoo, conditioner, rub self down scrupulously with body soap, exfoliate and cleanse my face – but I hold myself there, refusing to get out. Maybe if I stay here long enough the water will erode my body and I will disappear, I had thought. Hahaha no shit sherlock but I'll probably die before then.
The past week has been a mess, my routine was completely thrown off with that visit to Mount Holyoke. It was worth it, but now I'm completely disoriented and I desperately need to recalibrate myself, steady myself, and head off in the right direction again.
Forever alone. :<
It was worth it because Mount Holyoke was beautiful. It was worth it because it made me realize how much harder I should and can work.
I have also come to a few realizations but I need to consider them more critically before I accept them completely.
I was desperately seeking a good conversation so I went on Omegle to talk to people. As usual most of the messages that came went like this:
What's good about Omegle now, though, compared to the last time I used it (ie 3 years ago) is that you can now fill in your interests and get matched up with someone who has the same interests.
Some conversations amused me greatly:
In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have dismissed him/her. Maybe he/she was making a stab at a joke.
And then I talked to this fat guy who was all depressed about his weight. "Well I'm 16 and male and 460 pounds [208.6kg, for those of you who were too lazy to convert it on Google] and I don't know what to do... I don't know why I let myself get so fat and I don't know what to do about it..." Um, okay. The logical step to take would be to lose weight, dude. I put that across to him as gently as I could and he said he doesn't know if he can do it. I don't know if I should laugh at him or feel sorry for him.
I hate conversations where people just keep talking about themselves though so I wished him good luck and disconnected.
I spoke for over an hour to this great guy. I've got his (middle) name, I know where he's studying, what's he studying, I know the name of his nephew, I know his age, I know he's smart and witty. (Unless he lied about everything.) Sadly I'll never meet him because he doesn't want to. "I'm all about anonymity here," was what he said. I admire that restraint. I always want to keep talking to people I like talking to. I've got his email, but he said he doesn't spend much time online. I doubt I'll ever speak to him again. What a pity.
Made friends with this other guy who added me on Skype. We've spoken a couple of times, the conversation is okay but not as great as the one with that first guy. In case anyone is wondering, no this doesn't mean I am seeking relationship prospects online -_- I don't believe that relationships can work if you haven't spent time getting to know the other party in person. And this guy is gay by the way WTF. Really.
Abrupt ending to post because I am getting too pissed at myself for not doing work now I'm going to do Math.
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Thursday, February 21, 2013
I'll be there as soon as you are
The snow is rushing about in the air outside. I'm sitting at the small cubicle at work. Cold sinks into my skin and stays there, this office really needs a proper heater. Matthew Bellamy's haunting voice resonates in my mind. I feel stupid whenever I pull on my winter coat in office.
It's times like these I wonder who it is, or what it is that I miss.
If absence is a precondition to pining, then am I really missing anyone/anything at all? My heart feels full (enough). But something is missing, or maybe something isn't right.
Change is deeply steeped into my life now. I'm sure it has always been there; change is constantly in flux. What I mean to say is that the theme of change used to be an undercurrent in my life but recently it's being brought to the forefront of my mind. Why am I writing this post.
Have not been able to spend as much time as I did at the start of the semester on my personal reading. But I think that's okay because 1Q84 is a really long book, and I am about 60% through with it now. I'm not sure what to make of it yet although I already know how it's going to end (is it surprising that I looked up the plot summary on Wikipedia? I just can't help myself), but now I see it as a R-rated Studio Ghibli story. What is it about Japanese authors? Or the Japanese, in general? They can be so brilliant but this genius seems to always come with some sort of twisted perverseness.
Initially I could relate to Tengo more, but it's surprising to me now that I have come to really enjoy Aomame as a character. I'm not sure why I feel like I can empathize with her on a deeper level, but I think I like the idea that deep beneath her tough exterior lies a raw, beating heart. Her vulnerabilities, the emotions she hides and only conceals to a select few – and even then, she does not show everything – it moves me profoundly. I don't even know why.
I'll probably move on to a non-fiction book after this. This story is too deep and dark I need to nullify it with something light.
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Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Reading Memo 2013
2013
* Re-read
Read
The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden *
The Light Princess – George MacDonald
I've Got Your Number – Sophie Kinsella
Fly On The Wall – E. Lockhart
Bossypants – Tina Fey
1Q84 – Haruki Murakami
Reading
The Presidents Club – Nancy Gibbs
Peter Pan – J. M. Barrie
Quiet – Susan Cain
The Art of War – Sun Tzu
Will Read
1984 – George Orwell
Animal Farm – George Orwell
Good Without God – Greg Epstein
How Music Works – David Bryne
Emma – Jane Austen
Harry Potter series – J. K. Rowling *
Hitching Rides with Buddha – Will Ferguson
How Children Succeed – Paul Tough
Les Misérables – Victor Hugo
Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc – Mark Twain
People Who Eat Darkness – Richard Lloyd Parry
Persuasion – Jane Austen
Pride & Prejudice – Jane Austen
The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath *
The Book Thief – Markus Zusak
The Power of Habit – Charles Duhigg
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle – Haruki Murakami
Warm Bodies – Isaac Marion
Books To Get
Sulphuric Acid – Amélie Nothomb
Out – Natsuo Kirino
Fear and Trembling – Natsuo Kirino
Norwegian Wood – Haruki Murakami
Parker – Donald Westlake
The Monuments Men – Robert M Edsel
Thérèse Raquin – Émile Zola
Lord of the Flies – William Golding
[Last updated: March 9]
Notes to self:
Feb 20 – Stop reading so much chicklit wtf. And all those trashy YA novels.Labels: Reading
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Tuesday, February 19, 2013
you tell me
Location: Blanchard Campus Center, Mount Holyoke College / South Hadley, MA
I am leaving South Hadley in a few hours.
Yet I feel no urge to explore the campus at all. Maybe it's because I'm lazy. Maybe I'm laid-back because I know I am coming back here for sure (actually I don't know that, but I would like to believe that). I am supposed to be in a creative writing class now.
Lately I've been thinking of getting a tattoo.
Not just lately. I've been thinking about it since I was Sec 4 (or was it Sec 3?). At some point I temporarily jettisoned the idea because I had no idea what I wanted for my tattoo. I was waiting for something life changing to happen before getting it inked permanently on my skin.
I think I know what I want now. Preferably I'll get the tattoo on my wrist. But I'm a little reluctant too because I like my wrists as they are now, pristine and unmarked. Plus my parents would be hopping mad to see the tattoo. Yet I'm not a huge fan of the idea of concealing the tattoo or having it somewhere I can hide with my clothes. The whole point of having the tattoo is to remind myself of what it is I want.
I have come up with three possible tattoos. All in text. The first one is "balance", because balance is very important to me. It's the key theme of my life. Balance is what I strive for in my life.
Along this thread, the next one is "dao" WTF. I'm sure people must be incredulous now, like "Why the hell would anyone want a 'dao' tattoo?" But the word holds a dual meaning for me – because I'm always being told I'm dao, and also because dao is the hallmark of Daoism. I'm not a Daoist and neither do I wish to be one, but the Daoist ideals of being in sync with the natural flow of things, of balance, appeals to me. If people ask me why I have a "dao" tattoo I'll just pull on a deadpan expression, say in a deadpan voice, "Don't you think I'm dao," while holding up my "dao" tattoo next to my face HAHAHHA wtf okay not funny.
The last one is "be kind". Because we all need kindness in our lives. And I want to remember to give that to people who need it (ie everyone). If I get this one it will be in a thin, loopy script. The "dao" one will be in caps, chunky, in a heavy font, but small. Not sure how I want the "balance" one to look like, but across my wrist I guess.
What do you all think? Wtf. I only want one (for now).
I had my interview just now with Maxine, a senior. Her name is befitting of her, she looks very French. She looks like a pixie actually, with her short brown pixie cut and those bright, curious eyes. She also speaks French.
Unfortunately I have no way of telling how I did. It wasn't even completely like an interview; it was more like a chat. I left the room feeling like I didn't leave much of a deep impression, which is important to do because I need to stand out amongst the many people who have come today. I hope she knows I flew all the way here, alone, just for this. I hope she knows how much I want this.
By all accounts I don't think I did bad, but it would be reassuring to know if I did well.
Was talking to Brendan just now; how much we have all changed. But I'd like to believe that deep down most of us are still the same as before. We haven't changed form; we have merely become more refined, edited versions of who we were from before.
Bought a Crabtree & Evelyn hand cream cuz my hands look dry and cracked.
Maybe I'll be more at peace if I can resolve all these internal debates. I would love to. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Or is it?
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Sunday, February 17, 2013
Moho Visit
Super thankful to be at Mount Holyoke. :-)
Just had some Chinese food which I got delivered to my room. I am staying at Willits-Hallowell at Moho.
It's not that I mind, but wow I went to the campus center just now to get something to eat and that was when it really hit me for the first time that if I do come here, I would be in an all-women's college. I don't really mind but it just bothered me a little somehow. Can I really live without guys for 3 (or 4) years wtf. Of course I can, but somehow the world just seems incomplete without the other sex. Coming here is, as dramatic as it sounds, almost as if nearly half of the world, the fraction consisting of boys and men (<--- sidetrack: lol this is my show name when I did my radio show in Year 2 hahaha) is completely obliterated.
I really don't mind. I'm just unaccustomed to it now. Once I get used to it I think it's going to be great. However, there are a lot of dykes here though. Again, nothing wrong with that. I just got a little bit surprised seeing lesbians everywhere holding hands hahaha. I don't hold things against people for being a particular sexual orientation but again, I have been living in such a heteronormative world that I'm just a little unsettled being placed in an environment where it's not so heteronormative anymore.
But I'm looking forward to it. I want to learn more about people, all kinds of people, and what better place is there than here? :-)
Allright it's kinda late (late only because I have to be up early tomorrow) but I'm going to make myself write. Lately it's been as if something's been caught in my throat, choking up my mind and blocking the thoughts from flowing freely through my fingers into the form of words. And I am going to keep letting these emotions rush through until they're strong enough to break the dam.
Where shall I begin? Okay, how about let's begin with some people.
You know I don't want to not have you in my life. Yet, I'm not really sure what I should do about all this, if there even is a "this". Is this a hallucination?
We can't reclaim the shirts we threw away last twirl /
Uncurl the note-in-pocket, personal brochures that dust /
Machine-washed, that's how paper rusts
I'm just thinking about what happened that night when you asked for that promise. I'm sorry I made it even though I didn't really want to. And then, I'm sorry for breaking it. It was going to happen because people don't keep promises they don't have the heart to keep in the first place, but there's no excuse. No excuses. I regret breaking that promise now. I know you've probably forgotten it, but I haven't. I am sorry I lied. I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said.
Soft spoken with a broken jaw /
Step outside but not to brawl /
Autumn's sweet we call it fall /
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl and /
With the birds I'll share /
This lonely view
Song after made-up-on-the-spot song, your fingers slid up and down the neck of my ukelele. You swayed around on the carpet as if you were dancing for me, though really you were just happy. It had nothing to do with me, I suppose, but I was glad to be there.
That was when you said she was pretty and I agreed. LOL.
The night sky was bright, but not because of the stars – Singapore has a starless night sky. We shot a scream up into the vacuum above us, and it grew distantly hollow. And then we laughed, and soon the sky swallowed that up too, a gluttonous monster. The scream and the laughter disappeared into a supermassive luminescent darkness, but what was left behind was a light that gleamed on our faces, a brightness that stretched our lips into a smile. Nothing could take that away from us, and this residue is a memory I remember now, it courses through my veins. You looked lovely.
Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know /
It's serious /
Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know /
It's really serious /
There were times when I could have strangled her /
But you know I would hate anything /
To happen to her
I got mapo tofu ramen as usual. Whenever I go to Ajisen I always seem to end up getting the same dishes. Across me you picked up your chopsticks as the waitress settled my bowl of ramen in front of me. I don't do that anymore, waiting for everyone's food to get here before starting even if it means I'm hungry and my food's already set out in front of me. My American friends regarded me weirdly in those first couple of weeks I waited for everybody's food to arrive before digging into my own. "You don't have to wait for us." They don't wait for others too, if their food comes first.
After dinner we sat out on the steps at the forefront of the building, in the humid summer air. People hurried by on the sidewalk, and there were more smokers than usual standing near us puffing away on their cigarettes. It was the weekend, after all. The heat and thick smoke weighed down on me, my head felt kind of heavy then. Could you tell there was a strain in my voice? But we had a good conversation. One that's worth fighting the weariness.
I know you probably don't miss me, but do you ever miss that? I miss that conversation, and others we had that were in a similar vein.
汚れたスニーカーのほどけた紐 結んでくれた /
はにかむ あなたの笑顔 朝日を浴びて トキメイた 急に
the last vignette
Blue Starry Night shirt, baggy denim shorts, silver flipflops, unkempt hair, glasses perched on my nose. I still had my braces on then. Yup, I was poised to step out of the door looking like shit that day. My attire matched my state of mind – jumbled and utterly exhausted. A kind of happiness shone through though, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing this happiness now only because time has softened the harsh edges of this memory, making it a little bit prettier. Perhaps that day I was feeling like crap, and only like crap. But I think because it was the last day of filming I felt a little bit relieved and happy, although piled over those feelings was the usual anxiety that plagues you throughout the whole draining process of filming.
That day was quite nice. It was hot, but very windy. Punggol Waterfront was scenic, and the nature (albeit artificially arranged) had a soothing effect. We blazed through many scenes that day. Nothing was really out of the ordinary: Sheryl camwhored on people's phones/cameras, Danial had his hair slicked back, Michelle helmed the camera, Theo yelled "CUT" whenever we finished a take, Phoebe wore her favorite black knitted sweater, I was armed with paperwork and shitty clothes. What was new?
The day flew by like that. At night when Vanessa stepped on my laptop I got super pissed. We were all tired and angst-ridden. I definitely didn't think of you then. I don't think you were there at all... Where were you? What were you thinking about? What were you doing as I ran around Singapore with my friends and all that camera equipment?
Why am I thinking of all this now?
If there was a day where you weren't there, then why can't it be that way now?
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Thursday, February 14, 2013
配你去看流星雨落在这地球上
Have been super super busy... That's why I haven't been blogging. I just cranked out a 5000-word paper over the last two nights and I'm flaunting this piece of news because I feel an utter sense of pride. I mean it's probably a shitty paper because at some point my head got all muddled and I just stumbled my way through the rest of the paper, but oh well.
The paper is for Sociology by the way. It turns out that I had more work than I thought, because on Monday my friend Krista informed me that the work I'd done was only for one part of the assignment – there were 4 parts in total. I've been spending this whole week working on this paper whilst juggling other things I have to do for all my other classes and the stupid financial aid application for Mills College, which is due tomorrow. Financial aid applications are such a chore.
So yeah here is a (kind of sort of) long post to make up for my absence.
CONVERSATIONS WITH MY 11YF
Yesterday Michelle got this bigass card in the mail from Geoff. For Valentine's Day, obviously. It's Valentine's Day today! Well, not in Singapore anymore, obviously, but it is still the 14th of February here today. Geoff wrote a very sweet message on the card peppered, of course, with lots of love.
Applesauce for lunch. I love applesauce and rice milk.
This text from my sister is with reference to this bitchy Vietnamese girl on campus. Her surname is Dang but my sister likes to call her the "Dung girl" wtf. She's the same year as me and we both know each other because we went through orientation together. But she's a megabitch I swear it's like even during orientation she was ignoring me already and she hung out solely with other Asian guys (Kento and Linh). The only other girl she ever spoke to was Ji-hee (who wears make-up) (you'll see why her wearing make-up is relevant later).
I started to wonder why this bitch would ignore me when I've never done anything to her. All through last semester when I saw her around campus I'd smile at her or say hi and the response I get would inevitably be: a) a forced smile back; b) a forced "hi" back; c) a flicker of her eyes, OBVIOUSLY SHE HAS SEEN ME BUT SHE CHOOSES TO LOOK AWAY AND ROLL HER EYES; or d) she just strolls by me leaving me there stupid with my hand up mid-wave.
Why are people like this. This continued on to this semester. Until one day I had make-up on and bumped into her at the campus center. She had this look of pleasant surprise on her face when she saw me and actually said to me, "You look nice today." And then the next day I didn't wear make-up and bumped into her again and she decides to employ Response C (refer above: "a flicker of her eyes... LOOK AWAY AND ROLL HER EYES").
Despite her bitchiness I still defend her surname when others think it's "Dung". Can someone tell me why I am so kindhearted :') BUT FUCK YOU ANYWAY YOUR OWN MAKE-UP LOOKS TERRIBLE DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE FOR NOT WEARING MAKE-UP
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I feel the need for a partition of x-es to separate the above paragraph from the remainder of the post because the above paragraph is too vicious for the sweetness that's to come next.
Got a letter from Kelila again :-) Thank you for making the letter so cute. Indeed, 2013 will be better than 2012!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
And another row of x-es because this is completely unrelated to anything I have posted above.
Phoebe posted about the F4 reunion. Ok from here on out I'm gonna refer to them as JVKV because that's what their name is supposed to be. Did you all know JVKV hasn't disbanded yet, they've been a group since their F4- and Meteor Garden-days. They're just not very active. I suspect whenever they get together again they're mostly in it for the profit. I don't really think the guys are close friends, you just don't get that sense of camaraderie from them.
But yes, Phoebe posted about them with videos of them singing their most popular song 流星雨. At first all I thought of was, oh yeah, cool. I had already known they reunited to perform for a Chinese New Year broadcast event on a China TV network but didn't really go look into it because I'm not particularly interested in them. In fact, as a kid, I vehemently hated F4. I found it ridiculous that girls would find them good-looking and swoon over them. When I was P3 and took the school bus home this girl on the bus had a F4 pencil case. I avoided it like it was vermin, as though if it touched me I would contract some sort of venereal disease wtf. I was also disgusted with the girl whom the pencil case belonged to.
But out of boredom the second time when I checked Phoebe's blog again after seeing that F4 post for the first time I just decided to listen to the song. And now it's like holy shit the song is S T U C K in my head. I CANNOT GET IT OUT!!!! When I was writing my paper last night it was on loop inside my head, and in the end I just succumbed and listened to it on YouTube while doing my paper.
I cannot believe I would change this much (actually, I can believe it). I used to hate F4 so much and years later I was secretly smug when I found that they had to change their group name to JVKV because of copyright issues, because they could no longer tout that popular name "F4" WTF. But now I actually LIKE don't dislike them. What is wrong with me! I swear I am not a crazy fangirl though wtf.
Ok more on this next time cos I'm leaving from work.
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Friday, February 8, 2013
chili on the fishball
Look at these post-its. Stare at them. Stare hard.
This is all the academic work I have for the weekend. Which is a lot. I'm gonna have to spend over 4 hours just watching the videos for Sociology why do you do this to us Lee why.
But it's okay I'm ready to do all this I'm excited to get started I can't wait to jump right in
if only you would leave my head.
It's like eating fishball noodles and choking on a fishball; I have to spit the fishball out before I get asphyxiated and as I'm hacking and coughing trying to get the fishball I'm cursing and swearing in my head "What the fuck what the fuck why the fuck did I put chili on this fishball cough cough somebody help" but it doesn't negate the fact that I wanted to eat the fishball......
Does this make sense to anyone? No? Good. It's not supposed to. It's supposed to be CRYPTIC. /dances around tauntingly
Recently, something that I had been trying to forget has come back to me. The past month I was really happy, because I thought I had finally been able to rid myself of these weights that hold me down. I felt emancipated somehow, free to do anything I wanted. I was so, so happy.
But it turns out I didn't really escape from these weights at all, I only imagined I did.
Now I'm sucked back in, in too deep, and I'm not even sure if I want to get out anymore
Sorry for the weird fishball analogy. ~Eloquence~ and ~style~ is something I desperately need in my writing. But until I acquire them, I shall remain as thus: an ahlian who really thinks she isn't an ahlian at all... No wait who am I kidding I am totally not an ahlian pffft! /waves hand condescendingly
I do not want to be vulnerable.
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Sunday, February 3, 2013
snore
This whole weekend I've been reading reading reading and listening to podcasts and watching documentaries. /brain detonates from deluge of information
In case you are wondering the post-it above doesn't detail the books I've been assigned to read, those are the ones I want to read on my own lol. Although I have some of them on my Kindle already (refer to the ones with a tick next to them) I haven't started on any of them yet cos I'm wrapped up in 1Q84 now (by Haruki Murakami)! Yeah yeah all you hipsters can call me out now I like reading um mainstream books ok. So far it's been very good, after this I will probably start on George Orwell's Animal Farm. Simultaneously I have also been reading Tina Fey's Bossypants and while I don't get a lot of her jokes you can sense you're in the presence of a humorous mind. Ok I don't know what happened but my fingers jumped up just now as I was typing the last sentence the way you would jump up when someone sneaks up to you and speaks into your ear.
Last night something asinine happened (hey I did not use the thesaurus for the word "asinine" ok I genuinely know what the word means. I've been trying to expand my vocab). Now that I'm about to describe it I feel stupid agh
As I was sleeping last night I think my head must have been titled back or something. Anyway I was lying on my back. And I don't even know how but suddenly my head jerked forward as if I had been sleeping on a bus with my head tipped upwards and the bus came to a stop suddenly and my head lurched forward along with the stop. So yes, my head fell forward and I VERY DISTINCTLY HEARD THIS... I don't even know how to describe it, I can only say it was like a "haaaap" sound. Like when you suck in air.
Oh god I think I have achieved a new milestone: awakened by own snoring.
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Saturday, February 2, 2013
Reading all the stuff I have to read/Watching all the videos I have to watch for Sociology and my FS stimulates my brain but at the same time it's so tedious because it presses me to ponder upon questions like: "What is life?", "Does the soul still matter?", "What does it mean to be human?" Yes, those are the literal titles of the articles/podcasts/movies I have been assigned to read/listen/watch this weekend.
I want to know all this but at the same time I feel like I'm at a place where I've got life figured out. I just want to be happy, I know what to do to make me happy, and I'm not going to do stuff that's not going to make me happy (or will ultimately make me happy anyway. I understand the concept of "delayed gratification", thank you).
I have more ideas for my writing and that is very exciting (for myself).
Oh God drunkards living in the room right below us are screaming and shouting I can hear them through my earphones, shut the hell up please.
Ok la will blog when I have crystallized what I want to say. Have been very deep in my thoughts lately ._.
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