Sunday, April 29, 2012
Somebody That I Used To Know
Somebody That I Used To Know
Gotye ft. Kimbra
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
I used to know
That I used to know
Somebody...Labels: Lyrics
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Saturday, April 28, 2012
GIF Images Part 3
Labels: GIF Images
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Friday, April 27, 2012
Please Look After Mother
With this string of curious occurrences, I'm really glad I have my friends to keep me sane :-) Like Fibi Lou, Theo, Sheryl, Zeikei, Zexun, Eielson! It's quite frustrating though to have things like these mess up my mind and bog me down like argh noooo not when I'm FINALLY in a good state of mind after months of having a depressed/angsty/damaged psyche!!!!! All I can do is stay positive :/
At present I am a chapter and half into Kyung-Sook Shin's Please Look After Mother and so far it's been a very pleasant read. However, since it was originally written in Korean, this reader suspects that a huge fraction of the beauty of the original text has been lost amidst the process of translation. :/ The prose, simple and elementary, makes for easy reading without falling under the ranks of stifling and mundane. Shin manages to piece together the story by weaving together – and through – fragments of the past and present, each juxtapose peppered with rhetorical questions, artfully crafting a fluid, engaging tale.
Also noteworthy and particularly interesting is Shin's use of the second-person as her chosen narrative mode. It gives the novel the feel of an RPG game hahaha which I think is quite cool.
The end of the first chapter was particularly striking:
He tells you that since he was a child he has only been able to wear cotton, because of various allergies. When other fabrics touched his skin, he became itchy and got a rash. He grew up wearing only the cotton clothes his mother made. In his memories, his mother was always sewing. She would have had to sew and sew to make everything personally, from his underwear to his socks.
He says that when he opened her cupboard after she passed away he found stacks of cotton clothes that would last him for the rest of his life. That his outfit today is one he found in that cupboard. What did his mother look like? Your heart aches as you listen to him. You ask the man who is remembering his beloved mother, 'Do you think your mother was happy?'
His words are polite, but his expression tells you that you've insulted his mother: 'My mother was different from today's women.'
Please Look After Mother
— Kyung-Sook Shin
Most people of today are definitely not as strong and selfless as people of the past.
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Thursday, April 26, 2012
have fun
As some people might already know, dance has been really disheartening for me the past few weeks cos no matter what I did, I just couldn't concentrate and get all the steps to go into my head. After class usually I'd review the steps and various points Fredy brought up but for the past few weeks I left class with my mind a complete blank.
But today, for some reason, was completely different. It could be, in part, due to the fact that I've been really happy this past week. I can't remember when the whole being unable to catch choreography streak started but I know the very first week after it began I always sort of dreaded class more and more each week. I guess because I felt I wasn't improving and I was disheartened but today I've learnt that I have only my bad attitude to blame for my lack of improvement of the past weeks.
I went to town really early today because I tagged along with Sheryl and Eielson, so after I got to Somerset I went to tap my card at O School and then I loitered around. I went to Forever 21 and bought a pair of jeans :-) It made me really happy hahahaha I like the jeans a lot usually I hate wearing jeans but this pair is so comfortable. (But then again I suck at buying clothes so maybe I'll realise something bad about it only after I've worn it for a while)
Before I returned to O School, I made a resolution today: instead of griping about how badly I'm dancing after seeing myself in the mirror, I will change my thoughts to something positive and work repeatedly to figure out how I can do the steps better :-) so today in class I really really focused.
Fredy also gave out a lot of tips (as usual) and he mentioned our shoulders as being very important; he also repeatedly emphasized "having fun". Every class he always tells us to "have fun" but I never realised how important this was until today. Hence today's class was really fun and it seemed like finally I made some progress after weeks of being stuck in a rut.
On a side note, there's this gay guy who is a common face at our class as well. He usually tags along with one or two other girls... I don't notice the girls a lot though. The only reason I noticed him was because he would always be behind Zeikei and I. Plus he always goes on jabbering quite loudly hahaha. But one week when we did a choreo involving quite a bit of floorwork, Zeikei got pretty pissed at him cos he kept kicking her hand accidentally.
Last week (or was it 2 weeks ago?), he turned up with two other girls, but one of them went to the washroom just as we were about to head into class. In order to get a prime spot in the studio (the spot that Zeikei and I usually take), he rushed into the studio the moment the doors opened, threw the bags at the back, and sat on the floor immediately, spreading his legs apart (ok this sounds really wrong but you get the idea) so he could take up as much space as possible ._. Zeikei and I shot each other a look, and because there wasn't enough space, I sat down behind him instead. I didn't look at him directly but I could see him stealing looks at me to try and see my reaction and smirking/sniggering to himself what the hell O_O
Since then I have had a bad impression of him and I'd make a sarcastic remark here and there about him to Zeikei. Because we always stood in the same segment of the studio, when we split up into groups at the end of class, I never noticed how he was like when he danced because I was obviously distracted by what I was doing. Today, the same thing happened and he took our usual spot again so Zeikei and I went to the other side of the studio instead. I've asked Zeikei before if this guy is a good dancer cos she usually notices these things and she remarked that he's terrible. I was quite dubious though because I've never really seen anyone really bad in class at all! Even the newbies – they look awkward, but never bad. So I was glad we went to the other side today because I was looking forward to seeing him dance.
In the last ten minutes of class I did see him dance and he really was terrible. What was terrible about it was that he wasn't even trying. He could do all the steps but he never did them seriously... He just moved around a little. After that I felt quite bad for him cos it may be because he isn't good, which was why he wanted to take our spots – so he could learn better in class.
However, Zeikei has this theory that it might be because he's gay, and he's interested in Fredy HAHAHAHA so he goes to his class without really trying and/or he's too starstruck with Fredy to focus on dancing LOL
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Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Felicia
I wasn't sure where this was supposed to go in the scheme of things but I felt a need to write about this, maybe because this would signify a resolution. So here it goes.
Two Saturdays ago (24 March) I went for ACJC's Fun-O-Rama, which, if you ask me, is quite a sham of an event. I had expected the things to be priced exorbitantly because Zhihao had already forewarned me that the prices would be "inflated", but still I can't believe I wasted $20 on the event. Actually, I can believe it – the whole reason I bought the tickets were so that I would have an excuse to ask Felicia out for dinner/lunch, and to finally have a chance to talk about what happened (or didn't happen, more like) between us over the past year or so.
I was quite ready to go the event, waste my twenty bucks worth of tickets (bought from Zhihao, who was quite desperately trying to sell off his tickets) and just sit there and wait for the whole thing to end. The whole point of going for the event was to meet Felicia, and at most as a side-quest catch up with some of my secondary school friends who had gone to ACJC. My presence was not to take part in the revelry and hype of the event. I'd even told Zhihao, "I think I'm going to just spend my tickets then sit somewhere and read my book."
It's a little pointless to explain the details, but in the end Zexun accompanied me during the event and we hung out in a group with other people like Boonping, Peihan and his girlfriend Yansin. Caught up with people like Darren Koh (I was so happy when we just walked around and talked, he's still the same bear I knew despite having lost some weight hahaha), Simin (mostly she tagged along with Boonping a bit but actually we didn't talk much) and Zhihao (we exchanged lines face-to-face for the first time in YEARS, literally). Ben Chia also went to the event with Peipei but he was a little annoying so I snapped at him. He left after a while (not cos I snapped at him, though).
The above was written on 5 April 2012.
I had to save it as a draft cos.. I can't remember what happened but I got distracted by someone and so I decided to only return to this when I was sure I could give it my full attention. But then I forgot about it and I have only remembered and bothered enough to come back to it only now.
So basically after the whole event I went for dinner with Felicia and Justin (hi I heard you groan now when you bend down HAHA you're old Justin LOL). Although I didn't manage to talk about what I wanted to, that little soiree (which took place at Holland V's Thai Express) made me realise how much we have both changed. Or at least I have. I'm not the same person as I was from over a year back, hopefully I've grown and become better (I honestly can't say if I have but I certainly hope so. I'm less bitter now though, for sure), and she has changed in her own ways as well.
In the car back home as we were nearing my house and I was about to get off and go home, I had whispered "We should meet more, because I'll be leaving in August already" but at the same time I knew this was probably not going to happen. And now nearly a month after since we last met we haven't spoken at all too. Oh well :/
I guess people come and go. I'm glad we were once friends :) I hope you're happy.
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Sunday, April 22, 2012
Just submitted the enrollment deposit, so I guess it's official – I'll be heading off to godforsaken Meadville, PA in August.
On a side note, my ex-boyfriend deleted me off Facebook lol.
I'm finally writing in my diary again, only because there are somethings so secret and fragile, I feel like they'll break apart should I even mouth the words that would build them into tangible existence.
At the moment I have just printed the notes for two of tomorrow's lectures – Communication Issues and Media Business Management – and I am now waiting for Alicia to go online so she, Kelly and I can discuss our Radio project.
More later maybe ._.
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Friday, April 20, 2012
In Sec 3, I'd told my then-best friend I was planning to reject the proposition. The proposition: The guy I had been crushing on had, on Valentine's Day, asked me to be his girlfriend. The reason for rejection: I didn't think it was going to work out, didn't think we knew each other well enough.
"But why?!?!" my then-best friend cried. "Do you know how rare it is to find someone you like, who also likes you?"
That theory had been incomprehensible to my fourteen year old brain because back then. The boys I did like who didn't like me back, I usually stopped liking them after talking to them more and seeing their flaws surface and get clearer. I didn't really like them, I'd think. It was just a crush. Because if you really did like someone for real, you would accept them for who they are, right?
But now that I'm older, I finally understand what she meant. It is indeed difficult to find someone who would reciprocate your feelings. Particularly because as you grow, you get wiser, you become choosier, and so you become warier. You think more deeply into whether you really like someone. Whether it would work out. Sometimes when you do finally develop feelings for someone... It doesn't mean he/she will feel the same way because you think so well of them (most people tend to like others whom they see as better than they are I think?) but because they are better than you are, they'd look to other people who are better than themselves.
Right now, finding someone I seriously like who feels the same way, is proving to be something very difficult. :( But I am not interested in a relationship right now so I guess I shall just try not to care, but who doesn't want to know there's somebody out there who cares for you, and somebody solely for you to care for haha. But it's okay, if nobody wants to love me, I will. (Cheesy as that sounds)
This is just a thought I had when I was leaving school just now.
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Thursday, April 19, 2012
Haven't been writing much because of all the things that have been happening and all the things that haven't been happening.
Right now I'm lying on my bed and I just feel so tired. I have to go print out the documents for Media Business Management later.
School has started once again and the past few days have left me feeling strange and confused. I don't know why I'm behaving the way I am and it makes me uncomfortable. Part of it might be because I have this "I'm going to leave eventually anyway so screw it I'm gonna do whatever I want" mindset, but now I can't stop cringing at how uncharacteristically I've been behaving for the past few days. I don't even know what's real anymore everything feels a world away. I've been walking around in a stupor I can't even concentrate on dancing. I don't know what I am doing anymore and I don't know what sort of person I am anymore. Just now Sheryl and I went to town and we were talking about ourselves and the sort of people we were. After she described to me what sort of person she thinks she is, and what she thinks people think of her, it struck me that my identity is eluding me and I exclaimed as much. Can someone please tell me what sort of person I am.
I've been so quiet around some of the classmates that I don't know well and I hope they don't think I'm weird or something.
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Monday, April 16, 2012
college rant
I just had the college decision talk with my dad and I'm so disappointed. Not because he forced me to go to a college I didn't want to go to, but because I walked away with no decision at all and I didn't get any further from where I already got to myself. I had thought after tonight I could just settle on a college already and start the whole process of filling out the candidate reply form and all but no, I guess that's not going to happen yet. But I have to decide really soon, May 1st is around the corner.
I'm so disappointed that the whole hour we were "discussing", my dad didn't give any new input at all – all we did was talk about the college tuition of each respective college and how the southern states (out of the three colleges I've been accepted to, two are in the south) are not "traditionally educational states" and thus most people look down on them, or most of the better schools haven't heard of schools from the south. I was so mad. I mean I understand that's his viewpoint, but why can't he just be fair about this? I really wanted for us to find out together which college was better, academically, so that I could make it to a good graduate school or to another better college should I really go ahead with transferring out. He doesn't even know a single goddamn thing about Agnes Scott and Hendrix save for the fact that they're both in Loren Pope's book but he keeps saying that because they're in the south, they might not be very good.
I wouldn't mind going to Allegheny but I've got my reservations, like how the place is so goddamn rural and how you can't get anywhere, anything conveniently if you don't drive. I mean if you're going halfway across the world to study, you'd want to experience the culture of the country you're at and not just hit the books all the time right? If I go to Allegheny then I can't really experience that, but then again I can't make a good comparison because I don't know what Georgia and Arkansas (where Agnes Scott and Hendrix are at, respectively) are like.
And there's that whole thing about academics. I've pretty much figured out that Agnes Scott and Allegheny are about on par when it comes to academics, so going to either would probably ensure that I would be able to get into graduate school. If I want to transfer to a better college, it would be easier if I'm coming from Agnes Scott or Allegheny. But what if I apply for a transfer and I don't make it? I have to make sure the school I'm at is good enough then. But if I go to Hendrix, I get to design my own major, which is quite cool. Argh this is just so frustrating.
I get really sensitive when it comes to Allegheny and Hendrix, because I've communicated directly with the admissions officers of both schools. With my sister being in Allegheny, I feel almost bad if I turn them down because everyone there was so nice and welcome to me when I was there last August.
I guess I'm going to be firm and turn down Hendrix... But I still don't know what to do about Allegheny and Agnes Scott sigh.
Just now when my dad and I were talking, he started speaking in his usual, hostile way. It was really frustrating to talk to someone like that but you know what the worst thing is? I'm like that too when I speak to my family. When I talk to my dad, I understand all that he's trying to convey to me and I understand why he says the things he does and why he puts them in the various manners he does... And it frustrates me because it makes me feel like he's treating me like I don't understand, or haven't considered various options, but I already have. I get so upset I end up speaking to him in the same way he does to me. In the end I realised what I really want was for us to be able to make this decision together, to make a decision I know I will accept with no regrets (even if it turns out to be bad, I wouldn't regret it). I wanted to make a decision that was fair and unbiased but I guess with my dad it's not possible, because his thinking is already biased.
Reflecting upon the way my family communicates and gets along is depressing. During the college discussion just now, I couldn't help but keep thinking about how Audrey's (from fourfeetnine) father sat her and her brother down and meticulously went through colleges to decide which was the best. I couldn't help but wish my parents were like that.
A lot of my friends don’t really have very close relationships with their dads. The typical Asian dad has a stiff upper lip, may not talk much to his kids and shows his love by providing well for the family.
Not Fat Her. Not the bit about providing for family la obviously!!!
But Fat Her was the Fun Parent. Fat Her let me and Ooib hang bags on him and pretended he was a Christmas tree, prompting us to throw even more things on him to decorate.
Fat Her is the one who gives hugs liberally and tells us he loves us all the time. Ironically I’m less affectionate and will act all macho when he goes into his sappy mood. =.=
Fat Her was the one who, when Ooib and I drew comics all over his precious books and ruined them, he just laughed it off and kept them as memories.
Fat Her was the one who, every time I got scolded by Mummy Ooi for forgetting something or doing something silly, got dragged into the scolding inadvertently, because she said he gave me the forgetful gene.
Fat Her also gave me my height and my eyes. And he gave Ooib the Ooi nose, which will only enlarge with time WTF.
And Fat Her gave me my name. He named me Audrey after Audrey Hepburn who is his all time favorite actress.
Fat Her was the one we made jokes of, took funny photos of, and yet never ever got mad at us. Fat Her was the one who taught me to laugh at myself.
...
Fat Her took me and Ooib to buy magazines once, and being brats, neither of us wanted to hold the bag the magazines came in, even though they were OUR magazines. We walked and whined and quarreled and tried to palm the paper bag off each other until Fat Her finally lost his patience, turned around and tore this magazine into two HAHAHAHAHA. Then he walked off.
Damn strong ok tell me which dad can tear a magazine in half in one try HAHAHAHAHAHA. Both of us finally got scared and picked up the torn magazine pieces and ran after him hahahahaha.
I think when we got home we sat down together and taped the magazine back page by page so we could read it. Maybe Fat Her was being clever make us cooperate like this wtf.
Fat Her was the one who, when it was time to apply for college, sat down with me and Ooib for months at a time each and helped us sift through colleges, prepare application essays, obtain teacher testimonials until we got into good schools.
When I decided to major in Asian Studies he nudged me on when other parents would have balked or told me to do something useful. When I was thinking of writing an honors thesis, he excitedly helped me do research for it and bought books for me so I could have sources to refer to.
When Ooib was sitting for GMAT, Fat Her called him in Boston every night and coached him through the exam.
When we graduated, Fat Her cried along with Mummy Ooi.
Then he sat down with both of us individually and mapped out our interests and corresponding career options.
Fat Her was the one with whom I had multiple fights over curfew growing up. Actually that’s the only thing we ever fight about – my safety. Until now he and Mummy Ooi are convinced I’ll be hacked to death by an axe murderer sometime if I’m driving out by myself.
I think it’s because to him I will always be his little girl. Also because I really am little.
Dunno what I’ll do if anything happens to Fat Her or Mummy Ooi. Kill myself wtf.
– Fourfeetnine.com
I'm so envious of people who are close to their family like that, you know?
I'm so afraid that when I have my own family, my children will grow up and not be close to me because I don't know how to be close to them when they're growing up sigh. Honestly, I don't even know how it feels like to be close to your family. It wasn't even a choice I could make because of the way my parents were/are :(
Haih enough emo-ing. School starts later I should get to bed soon. SO DREADING SCHOOL SO DREADING SCHOOL
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Saturday, April 14, 2012
Feeling sad now for no reason I have no idea why.
It's like everything around me has this sadness to it and it's all flooding up the air around me.
Sleep, I need to sleep.
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Friday, April 13, 2012
fat piece of lard
My Macbook battery is at 21% now and I'm making myself write cos I don't want to charge my laptop, I've used my laptop as much as it is for today... Spent the whole day watching the Liar Game drama.
So camp has officially concluded as of yesterday, spent 4 days in school (8th to 11th). The first two days were terrible, spent them hating the camp and most of the people around me every minute of it and wishing I could just walk off and go home. After camp I got home and took my nearly hour long shower and reflected on the whole camp, in the end I concluded that whilst there have been some upsides to the camp, the camp as a whole was quite a bad investment of my time and.. just a bad mistake, overall.
Pros:
- Made more friends
- Got to know some people I feel I can really talk to
- Sat back and people watched and tried to analyse their behaviours/personalities hahaha
- Had a few enjoyable bitching fests
- Learnt how the logistics side of the camp really works.. I've never actually dabbled logistics before!
- Erm I can tie up water bombs quite quickly now? Hahaha
- Made drinks in an ice tub
- Reaffirmed my beliefs on how messed up and irritating FMS (and its culture) is
- After camp I showered and fell asleep on my bed at 4 PM.. I woke up at 9 AM today after 17 hours of sleep! More on this later.
Cons:
- Lack of sleep, resulting in more pimples (slept at around 3 or 4 AM and woke up between 6 to 7 AM daily)
- Had to soak up in the whole culture of FMS, it being a FMS camp after all.. I felt like I was going to die.
- Got more tanned, and my tan lines got worse (as if they weren't bad enough to begin with :( )
- Had to deal with being treated like a mere lackey the whole camp
- Got annoyed and pissed at assholes like Woon Yong Lin and various constituents of his gang
- By the end of camp I developed a sore throat
- Stupid mandatory debriefs and meetings we were forced to attend although we would just sit there and do nothing but watch people bitch and moan about how misjudged they are
- Gained weight from camp wtf
I am so glad I am leaving FMS.
Oh yes, after camp yesterday I went to have lunch at Pizza Hut with Phoebe, Theo and Lindsay! We were all drunk on exhaustion. Phoebe also spat out the words "a fat piece of lard" to describe Woon Yong Lin and I find it hilarious HAHAHAHAHHA "HE'S JUST A FAT PIECE OF LARD"
Anyway after my shower at home, I turned on the laptop and used it for a while. I was lying on my bed and actually I felt pretty okay for a while but suddenly the exhaustion just hit me... And I do mean the bone-weary, muddled-mind sort of exhaustion. I haven't had that in a long time, not even this past semester where we were all so busy and got really little sleep. It was the sort of tiredness that could knock you out instantly, as soon as you allowed yourself to lie down and close your eyes. And that's what happened... I shut my Macbook, put it next to me, slid down and laid on my back (I was already on my bed), closed my eyes. I didn't even need to think to sleep, I just did. The next I knew it was morning – okay actually not really, I woke up once and realised it was dark outside already and the lights at home were turned on. I rolled around and felt the covers around me and vaguely wondered where my laptop was before drifting off to sleep at waking up in the morning at 9 AM again hahaha.
It was awesome and amazing to be able to fall asleep and have such a good rest like that, because that hasn't happened for over a year, I think. I almost feel tempted to just not sleep and tire myself out just to see if I can fall asleep like that again.
Okay more later, going to bed soon.
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Friday, April 6, 2012
goddamn awful emo ranting post
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
The Smiths
Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time
A: Talking to you never fails to put me in a bad mood, but technically all is my fault so I can't hate you. Still, I hate you for ruining my day.
B: Talking to you just shows how much we both changed, I don't think we can be good friends the way we were before all those years ago. I'm letting this go, finally putting this down. Thank you for all the good times, they made me so happy and thank you for the bad times too because if not for them I wouldn't be stronger, I wouldn't be who I am today.
C: Talking to you... Oh wait, we don't even talk at all. You were once one of the most important persons in my life and I had thought we were going to be friends forever. I'd thought our friendship would last forever and I'd thought that 20 years down the road we'd still be friends. I guess that wish was short-lived because just 1 year into those 20 years I thought we'd be friends, we stopped being friends. We stopped talking we stopped hanging out we stopped being normal. Now whenever we see each other all our shared memories and all the unspoken words passes between us both, hanging in the air like heat on a humid summer's day. I don't know what to say to you but... I wish you a happy life with B.
D: I had willingly given you a piece of me, and no matter how small, miniscule or seemingly insignificant that piece may be, I hope you know I will never be whole again. To begin with, I wasn't even whole and complete when I first met you, but when I met you... That was when, for the first time in years, I believe, that I felt most put together. I knew I wasn't going to fall apart and break into pieces at the slightest disturbance. I let my guard down (well, most of it, anyway) and amidst my hopes for this to be something real, something tangible... You backed away, but not before taking a piece of me with you. I don't think you even realised what you took from me. Thank you for letting me realise that within me there still is some slither of selflessness, but you know what, you really hurt me. But I will be okay. We're always okay in the end.
E: Hello, you're the bearer of one of the biggest secrets in my life. When I, on that day, finally told you about "it", I felt so relieved because "it" was eating me up inside. All these months I've kept this secret to myself, it's been like having a fishball stuck down your throat and you're hacking and coughing and choking but it won't get out. I felt like I was going to be asphyxiated but thankfully I could breathe again, all thanks to you. I just hope you won't forget that I, too, am your friend and whilst I have been trying to remain understanding in view of all your plights and circumstances... Well I just hope you remember to treat me like the close friend you say I am.
F: These months as the conversations flowed between us, I never expected anything out of all this... But it is, exactly this, that made me realise I should never neglect someone's potential to be a good friend on the basis of first impressions. It is this, exactly, that taught me even more the upsides of having no expectations. With all my previous "best friend"s, like B, for instance, I've always shared some chemistry with them but we were all always very different people. With you, I truly feel like I have found someone who's rather alike to me (or at least that's how I feel, thus far). You and I are not best friends but that doesn't matter. I just want you to know, I am really glad you are my friend. :)
Sorry for this goddamn awful emo ranting post. But I hope you can see it got better at the end, I do feel a lot lighter now. I was supposed to sleep about half an hour ago but I felt too awful so I wrote this up and in the end it took quite a while.Labels: Lyrics
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Wednesday, April 4, 2012
triplet
Had a really amusing dream last Friday but I can't remember much of it already... I wanted to write about it but I was too lazy. I made some notes in my phone when I woke up though! The notes are as follows:
Tan Teng Teng heavily pregnant pet store/tuition centre/teaching
Ni men de yu wen cheng du ye hao bu dao na li qu
After O'levels still have to go class
Tour pet store Alice in Wonderland
Okay I vaguely remember the dream now. I think at the start we were having some contest/exam or something. By "we" I mean my secondary school. I don't quite remember what happened but I know we were split into different caves to sit for our exams. There were many desks (the kind in secondary schools) and the desktops were mustard yellow. I remember Mr. Wu (vice-principal) was in the dream and also Yin Junhao – I think YJH sat behind me during the exam.
After the exam, jump cut to this random classroom. My P2 - P4 Chinese teacher Ms. Tan Teng Teng (I also remember her e-mail username was quite interesting, because the initials for her name were all "T", her e-mail username was "triplet"... Which means "triple-t" or just triplets, which I thought was pretty cool!) was there and she was heavily pregnant. I think that was how she looked like the last time I went back to Peihwa, she was pregnant then too. The classroom was actually part of this tuition centre, and the tuition centre was also a pet store LOL. Tan Teng Teng ran the place, and the whole place was Alice in Wonderland-themed. The Alice in Wonderland thing might be because I was supposed to go Cherlyn's birthday party last week, and it's Alice in Wonderland-themed HAHA.
So we were all being noisy in the classroom and all, and I think the exam we just took was actually our O'levels. Annoyed at our rowdiness, Tan Teng Teng asked us somewhat patronisingly (think Dolores Umbridge) in Chinese, "So do you all think you still have to study?"
Of course we all responded in dissent. Why would anyone still want to study Chinese when O'levels were over and school was months away?!
We all resumed being noisy and then she shouted at us, "你们的语文程度也好不到哪里去！", which basically means, "Your grasp of the language [in this case she means Chinese] is not good at all!"
I think she was mad we were not going to go for her classes anymore.
Anyway, speaking of Tan Teng Teng, she used to be my favourite teacher. In P2 Mr. Ten Poh King (a really old and seasoned teacher) taught my class Chinese, and it was during his classes where was first saw TTT – she was a trainee and placed under the tutelage of Mr. Ten (邓老师). I remember she was really sweet then, and perhaps because I was pretty hardworking in P2, she liked me a lot.
In P3, I was surprised to see her stepping into my class, a full-fledged teacher now – my Chinese teacher again. She was quite nice to me at first but I got really lazy that year and she started to dislike me. I started to hate her cos she was biased and showed her favouritism blatantly. I also clearly remember that this was the year we learned the idiom "一视同仁", which means "to treat everyone fairly and equally". To explain the sentence, she said, "... 就像老师我，对大家都是一视同仁的！" ("Just like me, I treat all students equally and fairly!") with this really self-satisfied smile. I got so mad, because it was so obvious how much nicer she was to Annabel Low, Scarlet Leong and sometimes Janice Teo. These three were fighting for the teacher's pet position (I'm not being spiteful, they have seriously discussed this and Annabel/Janice even told me about it omg).
Imagine my horror in P4 when TTT stepped into our class again. I couldn't stop ranting about her to Huashan after class.
We took Higher Chinese lessons once a week after school (on Thursday, if I don't recall wrongly) at the block of classrooms next to the field. At the end, she returned us our Composition Books. She returned all of the books... All but one. We were all packed up and ready to go but puzzled/frustrated as to why she was holding us back for no apparent reason.
She started to explain, "For the essays this time round, I could see that many students have improved, like Xinmin, Peiqi... [she goes on to list the names of students she likes] That is very commendable. But I would like to specially commend this student, because the essay he submitted for this assignment was spectacular, and he has improved a lot from before. This student in question is... Jonathan Lim."
She waved her hand and smiled at Jonathan Lim (I can't remember his Chinese name, damn) to come up next to her. So he did, and he stood next to her, his eyes smaller than they usually are because he was smiling proudly. We all clapped cos we were happy for him, and also because we wanted the whole thing to end quickly so we could go home. But nothing prepared us for what happened next.
She faced him, and said, "Now, I am really amazed at the idioms and descriptive phrases you used in your essay! Such as '红彤彤的夕阳'... [she goes on to list some phrases Jonathan used in his essay, but I can't remember the rest] This is splendid work! Did you... Really do all this on your own?"
His smile faltered a little, and he nodded, somewhat dumbfounded.
"Really? You did?" He nodded again. "Well, why don't you show us you can really write these words then. I'll recite the words and you write them out on the whiteboard." She thrust a marker to his hands and steered him towards the whiteboard.
She opened up his essay book and started reading out phrases. Jonathan Lim stood facing the whiteboard, his back to us. He didn't write a word at all. Whenever he raised the marker to the board to write one, he'd put his hand down a second later, scratching his hand.
"写啊！你为什么不写？！" TTT screamed at him. And screamed at him again and again.
He started crying after a while.
"其实，你根本都不会写... 对不对？！"
She launched off into this lecture about how dishonesty is terrible and how getting your parents or tutor to help you write an essay was despicable. Why, if you already have the money to hire a tutor, do you see the need to come to school anyway? Just take lessons from your tutor! Don't bother going for her classes!
She threw his composition book at him.
The classroom was silent, save for TTT's screams and Jonathan Lim's sniffles.
We have been held back for nearly 20 minutes already.
She was pissed, and pissed is an understatement. She said that if we were going to just get our tutors to teach us, then don't even bother coming to school, she would refuse to teach us. "下课！" Class adjourned and we all vamoosed, shocked and annoyed at TTT's fury and move of holding us back for so long when we wanted to just go home.
The next Higher Chinese class, she was forced to make a public apology – presumably a ramification of a parental complaint... Jonathan's parents. She smiled and sugarcoated her words, as if she never subjected Jonathan to public embarrassment."I'm not saying you can't have tutors," she explained, "I'm just angry that you get your tutors or parents to help you do your work, because that way you will never learn."
True as her words might have been, I still don't think there was a need to put a 10 year old boy up for all that unnecessary embarrassment. I think she could, and should have pulled him aside after class to ask him about it, and explain it to him instead of doing that in front of the whole class. Maybe she was afraid that tutors will put her out of a job.
I think she taught me in P5 also, oh the horrors. But I don't remember Upon checking my blog archives from 2005, I have confirmed that yes, she did teach my class again in P5 HAHAAHHAHA by P6 I was praying it wouldn't be her again and thankfully it was the very kind and friendly 罗老师 :-)
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Running
I sincerely believe that no one hates running more than I do. Except, well, maybe obese people because running is really tough for them.
Reflecting on my childhood and endeavours of yesteryear, I guess I can say I'm truly not predisposed to sports and other physical activities requiring high levels of endurance. When I was really young, I was often disallowed to run about too much or partake in activities too strenuous because of asthma. But I guess even as a kid I never really took to sports – in primary school I never wanted to join any sports CCA; the only one I even considered was Track & Field, and it was only because all the cool kids were joining in.
I remember in P2 during one PE class, we were practicing for Sports' Day. I got assigned to this game where two people had to pass a basketball back and forth from the starting line till the end, and back. I got paired up with this girl called Genevieve, who had really short and curly hair (almost afro-like). She also wore metal-framed glasses, the frames were some dull colour, I think bronze or something. I also distinctly remember she was from Matthew house!
We were passing the basketball back and forth when suddenly the basketball hit me square in the face.
I swore off basketball for a while, until another PE lesson where what we all had to do was to, um, dribble a basketball on the spot lol. I came out of the lesson with a swollen middle finger. From then on I hated basketball and swore I would never play it ever again.
When we ran 1.6km in primary school, I always thought my timing was pretty okay (10 minutes or so?) although I never came out tops. But looking back, 10 minutes is actually quite bad for a primary school kid ._. I mean aren't kids supposed to be vivacious and active and all. I don't even know why I did that bad.
In secondary school I passed my 2.4km only cos I forced myself to run, and even then I always got a borderline pass. I failed my 2.4km in Sec 2 cos I couldn't be bothered LOLOL. And I was even proud about it, I went about announcing to the world "I failed my 2.4 :D" (read here). (By the way that post is fraught with my Sec 2 photos bah I looked like such an ahlian back then hahaha)
Also, I always look so unglamorous and disgusting when I run. I mean most people just get really sweaty and all, but it goes beyond that for me, my face flushes red like an apple (I am serious) and as nice as that might sound, it actually does not look nice at all. I swear every time after 2.4 people would always, ALWAYS remark or LAUGH at how red my face is. No, I am not angry at people for doing that – I am just angry at why I am built this way, God why didn't you make me normal like everyone else? Why do I turn from a decent-looking individual at the start of a run to a disheveled, psychotic-looking housewife-slash-tomato hybrid at the end of the run?!
In Sec 3 I remember the time we took our 2.4 in July – I had already broken up with Zhihao by then but was still madly in love with him (oh the melodramatic tendencies of an overemotional 14 year old). By then we still talked because we still liked each other and after I finished my 2.4 I replied to his text saying I looked like shit and my face was so red I didn't even wanna see the world. But he bugged me to go to the canteen so I did, and as I made my way to buy food and sit with my friends, I had to fend off countless exclamations and ridicule coming from other people who were both fascinated and amused at how red my face was. The worst part was, my school's PE T-shirt and shorts were – guess what? – RED. I probably looked like a walking carrot (I know carrots are orange, but there are red ones too).
When Zhihao came down to the canteen and caught sight of me, I saw him laugh and he texted me to do what many others have already done – laugh and tell me how red my face was.
But I digress (oh God why do I always go off on so many tangents before I get to the main point).
The main point is, I have started running now, in an(other) attempt to lose weight. This holiday, I have gained weight to the point where I'm forced to accept that I'm growing old and my metabolism rate is no longer that of a teenager's :( And I think it will only get worse as I grow older so I should force myself to develop the habit of exercising now. I hate running so much but it seems like it's the only way to lose weight, seeing as I'm not going to take up another sport, nor am I going to dance everyday of the week (although I'd like to, but it's way too costly).
When I finally decided that I should start running, I went to Google "hate running help" HAHAHA I was just telling Phoebe about this today. And then websites like "Iusedtohaterunning.com" actually came up, and other similar pages helping people who hate running to start running appeared as well. I couldn't believe that there were people who hated running before but are now running marathons...
I never knew that if you got tired whilst running and had to walk, it's actually okay to walk. Dang I should have known earlier.
Okay blog more later.
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