Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Am in Marcomm lecture now, which will probably end soon in half an hour or less.
Was reading my old blog (click for link) and I saw all the posts about the Hong Kong trip, Sec 3 end-of-year holidays and basically just everything from before Sec 4, to the beginning of Sec 4 (when Orientation ended). I really miss those days and as I read back what I wrote, the emotions I felt when I wrote those posts all came rushing back.
I feel like my blogs have the tendency to be like seasons, this all began in Sec 3 I suppose. Life and events before Sec 3 were all pretty stable, which I guess is the reason why my very first (and oldest) blog could last from when I was the tender age of 9, till when I was 15.
Thereafter, I moved around a lot and started plenty of blogs in the cyberworld. There was residentemo (now snorlaxthefat) on Tumblr, The Blind Side (a blog I revealed only to a select few), 123hagao, filmrecord (now deleted... sigh I regret it), TheGiantDrop (on Wordpress), a private journal on Penzu, and here I am now back on Blogger again hahaha. (I'm getting fickle and I am in a dilemma as to whether I should change the URL of my current blog.)
So there was this excerpt I posted about my birthday in Sec 3:
Stages of My Birthday
Stage 1:
1 month before birthday - relatively excited! Starts rambling crap about presents.
Stage 2:
3 weeks before birthday - excitement increases. Officially starts acting 不要脸, proceeds to post birthday wishlist on blog.
Stage 3:
1 week before birthday - starts to feel bored/jaded. Nervous, even. Don't really feel like celebrating my birthday already.
Stage 4:
3 days before birthday - wants presents but doesn't feel like celebrating.
Stage 5:
Day of birthday - doesn't know what to do. A bit no mood to celebrate.
I can't say this is the way things roll for me anymore. I'm currently in between Stage 2 and Stage 3. It's strange because Stage 1 didn't happen for me at all, this year. Stage 2 did not happen as well, it's almost like I skipped directly to Stage 3. Is this part of growing up? :(
*
School is over. Waiting at the CCA Clubrooms for the rain to stop (oh wait I just realised it stopped already).
Ohohoho Theo is sleeping... Let's take a photo with him!
We were too slow.. (I look positively stupid)
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Monday, November 28, 2011
let sleeping dogs lie
You're getting weak in your decisions
The ones that wake you just to say goodnight
And there's nowhere to run from them this time
If there's nothing I can say to break you free of all your fears
Then why am I still here?
Well there's that charming face you wear so well
And I know that you don't wanna stay
So why don't you just pack up and come with me?
You gotta hold on now
Don't let your eyes look down
When we're gone from here this won't feel lost at all
And there's not a day that I can say that I've
Been playing every card that I've been dealt
But I know how it feels and how you felt
When the world was at your back and things were never stacked up right
But you put up a fight
There's a light that peers through darkening skies
And I know that you wanna be free
So why don't you spread your wings and fly with me?
Results suppose endeavour and unwavering determination.
May we be free of all our fears and all the decisions that wake us up just to say goodnight.
Today (28 November 2011) begins my 1 week Twitter/Facebook abstinence with Javan and Ben Chia. However, I've been logging into Facebook to check my project groups (a necessary exception).
Javan just texted me, "Is it always better to let sleeping dogs lie. I'm not taking depends for an answer."
My stupid reply: "Lie as in lie down the lie or the lying lie?"
Javan: "Let sleeping dogs lie. The proverb yo."Labels: Lyrics
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Saturday, November 26, 2011
I wish you would miss me the way I miss you.
I wish you would remember me the way I remember you.
I remember all of you and me.
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Thursday, November 24, 2011
In my book of lies I was the editor
will.i.am:
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
Hey, baby my nose is getting big
I noticed it be growing when I been telling them fibs
Now you say your trust's getting weaker
Probably coz my lies just started getting deeper
And the reason for my confession is that I learn my lesson
And I really think you ought to know the truth
Because I lied and I cheated and I lied a little more
But after I did it I don't know what I did it for
I admit that I have been a little immature
F*cking with your heart like I was the predator
In my book of lies I was the editor
And the author
I forged my signature
And now I apologise for what I did to you
Cos what you did to me I did to you
— "Don't Lie", Black Eyed Peas
Have been obsessed with this song for a little while now, oh how I love the Black Eyed Peas. Have I mentioned before that I think will.i.am is a musical genius? Anyway, if you bothered to read the small part of lyrics above (or if you already know the song by heart), isn't the last line a real twist? :)
Lots of people say that they prefer the old Black Eyed Peas but I beg to differ. Sure they've started to produce more dance-y songs that might not have much depth lyrically as compared to before, but isn't that what they're supposed to do to survive? Isn't that the trend music industry is now? I, too, can't wait for songs to go full circle and return back to the way it was when I was in primary school and lower secondary. But for now, I'm still glad that the Peas are making great songs that really stand out.
All right, it's kinda late now but here are some pictures as promised.
I've got a lot more photos from when I went to Tokyo and US in August, but I'm going to be posting only a few because I want to go to bed soon, class starts at 9 AM tomorrow. I didn't really take a lot of photos with my phone anyway. Here are the photos from Singapore and Tokyo:
Having a US college-bound sister means I inherited quite a huge fraction of her accessories. That's her stuff with mine, in the first picture. The second picture is how I arranged my bangles and hair ties in a new box I got from Daiso. It's not that neat now, however, and I had to place the rest of my bigger bangles in another box. The rings were also displaced and had to be relocated to a new box.
This is a street in a residential area of Tokyo, somewhere near where our ryokan was. Isn't it mesmerizing? The streets are really just like how you see them in animes! I was so fascinated. The animes do portray Japanese culture pretty well! So much so that when I was walking around in Japan, it really felt like a dream, like I was in an anime, because everything seemed like that.
We stayed at Family Inn Saiko and the vibe it gave me was a cozy one. I really enjoyed my stay there - they strive to be the customers' "home away from home" but honestly, when I was there, I felt even closer to home than I did in Singapore.
For lack of better things to do, I took a picture of this complimentary cup of ocha whilst waiting for my food to arrive.
A photo of myself taken whilst lying on my fluffy and comfortable futon.
That's it for the photos for now.
Wanted to rant, but now I'm too tired. Goodbye.Labels: Lyrics
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
It's only Tuesday as I write this (soon to be Wednesday in another minute or two) but it feels like the week has jumped straight ahead to Thursday instead, near the end of a week. Have been really busy lately.
Today we headed over to Theo's house (at Hougang) to do the shoot for our assignment. It was pretty fun, Michelle's cousin Munmit acted for us as well, alongside Theo and Van :) Too bad Danial broke his leg, he seems really upset about it. Hope he recovers soon. Theo's mum sent us all home.
Although I have gone through the footage, I don't know how the shots are going to turn out after the editing process. In all honesty I feel the shots could have been done better, I could have pushed for better framing and angles but today I really held back. Because we all have different ideas of what's considered "perfect", because we all have images in our minds of how things should be like, I feel it's pretty tough to compromise and get everyone to agree on one vision.
This is a group project, no? I don't want to be dogmatic and push for shots that people don't want. This is not a complaint post, and I know by saying "the shots could have been better", people like Joyce would probably be calling me out on my "perfectionist streak" (which, by the way, I think is a huge mislabel). I'm not a perfectionist - I'm an idealist. The key difference between an idealist and perfectionist is this: an idealist always has an idea of how things should be and may expect others to rise up to standards that are unrealistic (but an idealist wouldn't be able to see that it's unrealistic), but a perfectionist works tirelessly to achieve what he/she thinks is "perfect" and even after attaining what they originally thought was perfect... He/she will continue to work on it to make it "even better".
It's awful being idealistic sometimes because you always dream about what could be, the potential of everything. It gives you a lot of hope when you start out on a project but it crushes you real hard when you realise it cannot be done. An idealist believes very strongly that what they dream of can come true (if the correct actions are taken), but it's very difficult to get others in his/her team to see it because they will think the idealist's standards are unrealistically high.
People, don't always look down on perfectionists and idealists. Don't you all revere Steve Jobs? Guess what, he is a perfectionist. Oprah Winfrey? She's an idealist.
But over the years, I have received a lot of feedback from other people (when working in groups) telling me my standards are too high :( Even in my relationships – I think plenty of my relationships, be it with friends or whatever, flounder because I always have this image in my mind of "how things should be". But I've learnt that things don't always turn out the way you want them, so I am trying to lower my expectations towards people.
However, when working alone, I will still continue being idealistic because it is already part of my work ethic. And when I am working alone, I know I do not have anyone else to please, I do not have anybody's specifications and desires to satisfy but my own. If I fail, I do not disappoint anyone but myself.
Abrupt end of post as I am feeling knackered. Pictures soon xoxo
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Monday, November 21, 2011
Goodbye Typography
Just a quick update.
I have finished my Gracomm Typography project, like finally. That's 25% of the grade dealt with... and another 25% left in the form of the Bauhaus project to work on.
Honestly if I don't do well for this project, I wouldn't be surprised. I know if my classmates are reading this they'd probably be appalled because everyone has seen how much time and effort I have spent on this project, how much I scrutinise each and every anchor, point, and line on each new virtual canvas.
I feel like I have done the best I could. This project has taken up a lot of brain juice, sleep and spare time, and has given me quite a fair amount of anxiety and reason for ranting. Whether or not I have achieved the aesthetic requirements of the project is something that eludes me, because despite asking the tutor already... I still do not fully understand what can and cannot be done for this project.
I see that parts of what I have churned out for this project contrasts starkly with what many of my other classmates and course mates have done. I like to think that I am challenging the limits of creativity, fighting to express something unique only to myself, but if what I have done does not fall within the expectations of the project, then I would surely not score well.
I am prepared for that.
Anyway, this all sounds very dramatic, perhaps, but it really isn't. All in all, what I'm trying to say that I know I have done my very best for this project and that I wish to receive a good grade (who doesn't?), but if I don't, it's okay. Again... I have done my best, and that is all that matters to me.
When I told the boy just now that I have completed this project, he asked me, "So what are you gonna do next?" I said, "Move on to the next project."
Time is of the essence.
P/S, I am sorry to the people I have annoyed in the course of doing this project. Sorry you guys had to endure my constant "Does this look like a giraffe?"s, "What did you do for 'TECHNOLOGY'?"s and the like.
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Thursday, November 17, 2011
Fit
Even though my mind is always lost in the past, I know someday, no matter how long it takes, all the memories will drift away like water running down a river stream.
It took me a whole year to get adjusted to secondary school life. But after I finally did, things were really very rewarding. If I had to choose all over again, I would still go to Fuhua (unless if I scored really well, in which case I might have chosen to go to a girls' school - not gonna disclose which one here).
I haven't been trying very hard to assimilate into my school and course because deep inside, I have always known that sooner or later, I would leave.
From the first moments since I stepped foot into FMS, my inner voice has been diligently chanting this mantra - "I don't belong here, I don't fit in here, why am I surrounded by all these weird people".
I am unable to decide if the reason why I cannot fit in is because I've been telling myself that I cannot, or if it's because I am just a bad fit for this.
Therein lies the contradiction of my situation.
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Y1S2W2-4
Mandarin songs have the potential to be really beautiful, more so than English songs, in my opinion.
I don't listen to Mandarin songs a lot, but the ones I really do like always stick with me. The lyrics really mean many things, the emotions the song wants to convey are really woven into every word and sentence so intricately and aptly.
Consider the chorus of 死性不改 (by Twins and Boy'z. I know it's a Cantonese song but whatever, it is written in Mandarin, is it not?):
人天生根本都不可以爱死身边的一个
It is impossible for humans to love someone forever, into his/her death
无奈你最够刺激我 凡事也治倒我
I am frustrated by how you can excite me, the control you have over me
几多黑心的教唆 我亦捱得过
Whatever you/others say, I can endure it
来煽风来点火 就击倒我么
Whatever people do will not bring me down
谁恋爱就多障碍 死性我不想改
Love is fraught with obstacles but I am unwilling to change
如我没有你的爱 我没法活得来
Without your love, I cannot live
情人的存在 是我从来都志在
I have always wanted to love someone
难在我拱手让爱
Giving up love is difficult
This song, like most other Mandarin songs, cannot be translated into English, because when you do that it would lose huge chunks of what it really means in Mandarin. However, the same problem doesn't exist when you're trying to translate an English song into a Mandarin song.
Do not judge the song from its English translation because it does not do any justice to it at all. The English translations, in fact, are awkward and ungraceful and hardly even convey what the song is really trying to say.
-
So, photos.
My fat little hamster Gretel
Singapore Teddy Bear Show
These are my aunt's entries. Isn't she talented? The undressed one is my sister's namesake, Ning. Hahaha. The dressed one is named after my aunt's car model (Jazz) LOL.
OPI Nail Polish I bought when FMS brought in flea stalls. I love the colour (it doesn't look as bright in real life as in the photo unless light hits)! It's so glittery. I like to peel off nail polish when I shower because it comes off easily then (but it is really bad for your nails when you do that). The pieces of peeled of nail polish looked like scales from a mermaid's tail. It was that pretty.
Met up with Xianyun at the start of this month, after the LONGEST time. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a photo with her :(
It must have been at least a good year or two before I saw her again recently. I'm really glad how when we talk, things really do seem the same as they were in the past :) The only different thing now is how we're both not close to the mutual friend(s) we used to be close to anymore. But that doesn't matter :) Oh, she's in NJC now. She is just so hardworking!!!! Meeting up with her made me realise how much I missed her. It would've been great if she'd stayed in Fuhua but I guess it was better for her that she had transferred, because if she stayed she might not be where she is now.
I'm just really happy for how things are going for her now. Hope that she'll be happy always! :)
Also went back to Fuhua one morning to meet Ms Angeline Chua to help me out with some of my application forms. Did I mention how wonderful Ms Chua is? I NEVER want to lose contact with her. She is one of the best teachers I've ever met. She is just such a kind and caring person. Having been taught by her is really one of the things I have to be thankful for in life. Yes, the effect she has had on me is that profound.
The rain came down hard and I had to run to the bus stop. Sitting there, I just thought about how I used to take 157 home everyday from that bus stop. Times and circumstances have changed, but my mind is really stuck still onto the past. I miss the conversations with Gekhooi (and the occasional few with Benedict) on our bus rides home. I even miss arguing and getting mad at Ah Looi on the bus. The people who take 157 home seem to have form sort of a little posse, in my mind at least! Haha. There are so few of us who take that bus home.
Vanessa, Danial and Michelle.
This was when we went to school early to do our LocVid shoot!
My pink flats, who have served me for two years before finally collapsing apart last Friday. I even remember when I bought these pair of flats - when I went out with HS, Cheryl, Huating and Tessa during the end of year holidays in 2009. These flats were from Far East Plaza. You were a good one, pink flats, and you will be dearly missed.
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Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Rumour has it
As of a few minutes ago, I have just completed my fourth theme card for the Gracomm typography project. I'm gonna take a break and go to bed after I finish blogging because these days, all I've been spending my spare time on is this project, sigh.
With the onslaught of PMS, I have, for the past week perhaps, been acting like quite a bitch. But it's also these times that I have a lot to say, so please pardon my ranting.
I am mildly pissed off by some people around me. Sometimes it angers me because I try so hard but then people don't even see it. I'm the kind of person who slowly lets go and gives up on a situation when the fact that things can't be improved is registered into my brain. Usually, this process of truly and wholly giving up takes a long while because I am such an emotional person and my emotions always get in the way. I may be angry at first and I may start having an internal diatribe about how unappreciated I feel, but next the feelings of how I care for the person (for example) start flooding in and I revert back to my original stance of "try, try again". However, each time, my zeal slowly abates and eventually it whittles down to nothing.
This is also why it took me so long to give up on my ex-best friend. The fact that she really did not care (or that, even if she did, she wasn't going to take any initiative to show it) took literally years to sink in, like how an anchor dips and lodges itself onto the surface of the sea floor. And you know what the worst thing is? Even now, after I have finally let go of my struggles with this issue... I STILL occasionally make a satirical remark or two (or three...) about my ex-best friend behind her back to another friend. LOL
I want to help people, I really do, but an issue I've identified about myself is this: compared to years ago, now when I try and counsel/help/console someone, my patience runs thin REALLY quickly. When I'm consoling someone now... My feelings of sympathy and concern can morph into contempt and disgust in all of 10 minutes. Really.
I want to help people, but how are you gonna help people when they don't want to receive it? I'm really angry and frustrated about this because, I REALLY DO WANT TO HELP. I hate seeing people emo and I'm all for listening to their troubles.
Let me deviate from the main topic a little. On a side note, I am not angry about people teasing me and calling me a "stalker", but I hope people would understand WHY I remember pieces of information I've acquired about a person (wherever the sources were from) and why I always want to know more about a person. Besides my somewhat secret obsession of trying to figure out someone's personality as accurately as I can from the things he or she says/does, it's also because I want to know the person better, because I believe this way I'd be able to get along with him or her better. It is NOT because I want to gossip or stalk them!
Back to the topic at hand. There's this person whom I know hasn't been feeling in the best of moods for months. And that's fine, I know how it feels to be miserable, to want to lay in bed all day or be irresponsible and only do the things you feel like doing do. I know how it feels like when some of the things you feel like doing can't even be done (for whatever reasons). I know how it feels like to think things are never gonna get better. I know how it feels like to think no one is gonna understand how you feel and why tell people how you feel when things aren't gonna get better anyway and even if they say it will, it never does. I know, I really do.
If someone does not want to listen to me when I console them... It's okay. It's not easy to step out of self-pity because it's so much easier to just stay where you are. Yes it feels miserable, but moving on supposes a lot more courage and endeavor.
What pisses me off is how, say, when I console Person X, he/she doesn't listen (completely understandable), and then when someone else Person X thinks is better tells him/her the exact same thing I did... AND THEN IT'S ALMOST LIKE PERSON X GETS AN EPIPHANY OF SORTS. What the hell?
Doing that, just so you haven't already realised, is telling me that you obviously DO NOT value what I tell you. Here I am trying to help you and you think my advice doesn't cut it because it's from ME. And that pisses me off because it shows that you think I am not on the same level as the other person who gave you the exact same piece of advice.
Telling me "I know you care for me and that's enough" doesn't cut it because you've already shown you don't think well enough of me to even consider what I've said.
Telling me "I'm closer to Person Y that's why I took his advice" doesn't cut it because I TOLD YOU THE EXACT SAME THING. WHY CAN'T YOU DISCERN THINGS ON YOUR OWN?
Telling me "I was in a muddled state of mind, so when you told me about it, it didn't quite register" doesn't cut it because if you care enough about what I say, THEN YOU WOULD HAVE AT LEAST A SMALL FRACTION OF IT RETAINED IN YOUR MIND.
I am just so pissed off because I am trying so hard to help and this person does. Not. Give. A. Shit. Dude, do you know why your spirits can never be raised? Because in your heart, you have already decided not to help yourself by only listening to people whom you think are "mature enough". Therein lies your biggest weakness; you've allowed yourself to shape your own reality - in a bad way.
So angry because I have tried to help and the other person probably thinks I'm meddlesome and all I'm doing this for is for my own stalking pleasures and gossiping.
It's sad how you try so hard but no one even sees it.
Sometimes I hate the way people think of me. Which is why I love meeting my Fuhua friends so much because THEY KNOW ME BEST.
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Sunday, November 13, 2011
GIF Images - Part 1
GIF IMAGES - PART 1
Labels: GIF Images
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Y1S1
Hi. Haven't been posting much because I've been so busy with school. In fact, I might just conveniently abandon the 30 Day Challenge hahaha.
But those who await patiently are often duly rewarded... After 6 months of owning my iPhone, I've decided to sync it to my laptop for the very first time! Which means lots of photos! Right now I'm still lazy to connect my camera to my laptop though. I really want to get an external hard disk drive so I can get all the files from my old laptop.
Today I'll be posting all the photos I took from last semester, from in school to the holidays. I left out the photos from my Tokyo/US trip because that merits another post on its own.
Really, there aren't a lot of photos though. I'm not that into photography these days.
All right so if you guys didn't already know, I'm in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, doing Mass Communication. (I'm really surprised at the amount of people asking me "What are you doing in poly?" because I'd thought plenty of people knew but apparently I was wrong). My class was T110 last semester but this semester our class name got changed to T105.
So here are some people from my class:
Theodore Craig Reyes aka Theo
Joshua Tan aka Josh (in blue hoodie, this photo of him isn't very flattering though),
and Terry Lam
Joyce Tan (whom I'm often seen with in class, especially last semester haha)
Theo and Izabella Chia aka Izzy (in green hoodie)
Of course there are more people but I don't really have photos of them, so here's a photo of my class taken from Joshua's Facebook:
I just realised how shitty the quality is. Anyway I made the picture larger so we can all be seen lol.
From L-R:
Josh / Davin / Piaomin / Aravin (jumping) / Danial / Pacy (blocked) / Dynn / Phoebe / Michelle / Cassandra (jumping) / Vanessa / Lindsay (jumping) / Farzana / Beatrice / Joyce / me / Izzy / Theo / Terry
Photo was taken after a trip to the museum for one of our modules.
I've realised that people in my course seem to have a tendency to shorten names. E.g. Joshua to Josh, Theodore to Theo, Phoebe to Pheebs, Vanessa to Van, Izabella to Izzy, etc. And I'm sure it's not just my class because Ziqi/Zeikei is referred to as "Zei" in her class.
Sometime last semester we had an outing to Sentosa (of course, not everyone was turned up). Here are the few photos taken by my phone:
Terry, who drove us from Vivo to Sentosa in his mum's car.
Others who took the car as well. Phoebe, Vanessa and Josh.
Terry drove Cassandra and I home.
Theo took my phone to indulge in narcissism one random day in school whilst we were waiting outside the LT for lecture to start. I remember Izzy thought my phone was Theo's phone because Theo uses an iPhone too.
A box of chocolates two of my classmates gave out during their Speech Comm presentation. Thought the box was cute so I took photos of the packaging.
In August, I celebrated Tan Kaiboonwen's birthday! Had dinner with her, Liyan, Sijia, Edwin, Yesheng and Wenhui at Boon Lay SAFRA's Sakura.
In the holidays...
One of the first few posts of this blog detailed my day out with Zexun and our fortune telling experience. Got information about the fortune teller from Sheryl/Shuwei via Twitter!
A Polaroid we got for free in town from this event Swatch was having.
The day I caught The Smurfs Movie with Theo and Joyce (also the day we had dinner with Josh at Nando's) was the day I first saw the movie poster of The Hunger Games. Although I may appear indifferent outwardly... I'm sure you can imagine how excited I am ;-) Can't wait to just skip into March 2012 already!
Because my cousin Shun had extra tickets, my brother and I tagged along with him to the F1 test drive and walked away with lighter wallets and increased knowledge about the F1.
Everything at the F1 is so ridiculously overpriced. This, supposedly a hot dog, cost me $10. The worst thing is, it didn't even taste that good.
Fishball noodles from the coffee shop near Fuhua on a random day. O how I miss the times we called the Fishball Noodles Auntie to place our orders in advance and rushed to finish our food so we wouldn't be late for class after lunch. I usually order guotiao while the others order mee tai mak (save for Elycia, who sometimes gets meepok).
Egg mayo sandwich from the sandwich shop at the Atrium. Although I don't really feel it's worth the $2.50 it costs, I still buy it anyway because I love it. This was before I left for Bangkok - I returned to school to try and inform the school that I'd be absent on the first day of school.
One of the mornings on the bus back to Fuhua. Organizer on the bag on my lap.
That's it for photo updates (for now). It seems people don't like reading posts with huge chunks of words anymore, and that, to me, is a rather sad thing. I'm trying hard to get back to how things used to be for me when writing, how easily the words seemed to just flow out of my mind, through my fingers, onto the page.
Last week I learnt of someone's opinion of me, which left me somewhat amused and appalled. I'm not sure if I should be glad that person thinks that way of me lol.
Gracomm has been tough but now that I'm getting the hang of Illustrator, things are slowly getting better. Now I'm just waiting for Choy Kok Kee to hurry up and reply my e-mail, though I guess I should count myself lucky if he does reply my e-mail by today because it's a Sunday.
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