Friday, September 21, 2012
the view outside the park
As I write this post (from my phone), I am sitting on the steps outside a baptist church by the main park in my college's town. My eyes are a little swollen from crying and my nose is running cos I don't have enough napkins to blow my nose out.
Evidently, I have been crying. But only for the past 15 minutes or so.
I don't even know why I'm crying, especially over something so miniscule and ridiculous.
I went to the orthodontist to get a new set of retainers done because mine are cracking. I made my way there in a merry mood, although I got a little miffed cos the roads were confusing and I couldn't find the office.
After calling the office and receiving directions from the receptionist (whom, I might add, is way friendlier than the one who conversed with me over the phone when I made the appointment 2 weeks back), I managed to find the office. I stepped in and the friendly receptionist (Brenda) smiled at me and said, "You made it!" I was happy cos she was friendly.
After registering my name, the assistant to the dentist brought me in and looked at my teeth. We talked a bit about retainers and I discovered that the price for a whole new set of retainers is a fucking US$350. In the end I opted to make a set just for my lower row of teeth so next Tuesday I have to pay US$175. Because my sister is going to kill me if she knows this is how expensive it is, I'm going to lie and say it's just US$100 and pay the remaining US$75 on my own. That's like a week's worth of my pay for my on-campus job sigh.
Anyway, so the assistant set the mold into my teeth twice but the results weren't satisfactory, so she got someone else to try and do it instead. So this blonde bitch comes over and thrusts this plastic container holding the plaster in my mouth and my eyes immediately begin to water. I thought she was going to relinquish some strength after a while but she didn't.
"Does that hurt?" Tears fill up my vision.
"Sorry," she says this dismissively and presses down even harder.
After half a minute of torture she brusquely pulls the apparatus out of my mouth and I bolt upright and rinse my mouth. I desperately try to stop crying, hastily mopping away stray tears leaking out of my eyes but it's as though the physical pain triggered something in me and I can't stop tearing. I follow the first assistant out to the reception, she tries to talk to me a bit about what I'm going to major in and I manage to reply, but my tone betrays me and it was obvious I was going to cry.
At the counter, she asks, "Did we hurt you? I'm sorry, hun," I gave a laugh and said it's fine but still sounded like I was going to cry. The receptionist offered me napkins, of which I took two, and although I wanted to leave I got distracted by a quiz about Finding Nemo on the counter. The receptionist encourages me to do it, so I try to get the answers right but I can't think. I'm on the verge of full-out crying.
The moment I stumbled out of the office, tears started to stream down my cheeks and I looked around in panic to try to find somewhere I could sit and cry. It was strange, it was one of those moments I knew I would definitely cry no matter how much I tried to stop myself.
So I found a park bench, planted myself there and cried. But people kept looking and I was running out of napkins so I went to the baptist church only to find the doors were locked. Now I'm just sitting here heaving and whimpering (okay not really, I have actually calmed down a while after I began writing this post).
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