Saturday, September 8, 2012
Just now after I hung up from my phone call from home, I buried my face in my covers and wept.
It's not so much that I miss home, but more that I feel so alone.
That I have a sister here is supposed to help and I'll be unfair if I said it didn't, because it does, a little bit. But it sucks to have someone still nagging at you and always thinking the worst of what you do.
And for the love of God I am not stupid. I just don't know how things run here. Hall mates, please don't think I'm anti-social. Please don't think all I do is go to the library and study. So what if I'm studious? So what if I don't wanna go to a party just cos I feel like shit? I didn't fly over two continents, travel over 15 000 kilometers, to come here to play. I came here to study. And I am acutely aware of that – should that ever slip down my list of priorities I would face backlash from my parents and family and everybody else. But that would never happen cos I would never forget that I am here as a student – I feel this deep down to every single bone of my body. Yes, I want to experience and learn more about the American culture but that doesn't mean compromising on my very reason of being here.
I just wish I had someone here I could relate to.
Is it my problem that I don't have a best friend? Do I expect too much of people? Yet, why am I created with this desire to have a deep connection with someone if it wasn't meant to be fulfilled?
P/S because I'm in such a terrible mood (all hail the manifestations of PMS!), I'd much rather stay in my dorm room alone and stuff myself with food and knit.
----------------------------
|
