Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Have got tons of things to get done... Perhaps I only feel like there
are most things to do because it's the holidays now and the time I
think should be reserved for lazing around has subconsciously grown
bigger in my mind. Maybe the amount of things I have to do are still the
same. So many things to do and people to meet.
I'm glad that I managed to accomplish quite a bit
today (actually, yesterday, since it's past 12 now). I wrote a recap of
what I did this past week in my random thought book and now I'm going to
write an even more succinct version here just for the record:
8 June Friday — Skipped IB. Zexun treated me to a sushi/steamboat buffet and Anderson's ice cream. Met Ben for a while after.
9
June Saturday — Had late lunch with Ben. Met Phoebe for Fashion Feud at
Zouk, left around 8.15 PM cos it was boring. We went to have Toastbox
at Great World City and talked about the way people dress and their
styles
10 June Sunday — Land viewing and lunch with my
parents and sister. Went home and rushed Commiss tutorial. Read 8 Days Magazine and talked to Sheryl on Skype, promptly fell
asleep because I was having a throbbing headache. Woke up, can't
remember what I did, probably lazed around or did something useless.
11 June Monday — Met up with Huashan
after months, we had Pastamania at West Mall. I am so happy and glad
that Huashan and I are still friends, I now feel confident that we will
continue to be friends into adulthood even though we might not be as
close as we were in primary school. :-) Met Ben and went to various
places, had Laoban beancurd for the first time!
12 June Tuesday — Met Lizheng, Kenny, Charell, Soksan, Cheeyuan, Tan Junhao and Darren Koh at SAFRA Boon Lay to play L4D2.
Today has been a rather conducive day. Filled
out some forms required for Allegheny. I filled out the Student
Information Form online and also picked up my Health Examination Form
from the clinic today :-) About over an hour ago I did the Math
Placement Test, it was mostly trigonometry and some calculus. I scored a
25/30, which is about 83%. Seeing that was quite a blow to my Asian
pride (HAHAHA) cos I had wanted to get over 90% :( But I thought I did
pretty okay considering I haven't done any calculus and trigo in over a
year, and most of the questions I got wrong were because I forgot
exactly how a sinx and/or cosx graph is like.
One thing
weighing quite heavily on my mind now (amongst other things) is how
different I felt when I met my old friends from secondary school today.
I'm not particularly close to some of them (i.e. Charell, Soksan, TJH) so I didn't talk to them that much. After LAN we went to JP and they had MOS Burger. I sat at a table with TJH, Darren Koh, Kenny and Cheeyuan.
Cheeyuan and I still talk from time to time though most of the time, the content of our conversations can be best described as lighthearted rubbish hahahaha. But I do appreciate talking to him because him even giving me the time of the day to reply my texts or talk to me when we bump into each other in school shows a lot. It shows that he bothers enough about this friendship. On a side note, today while we were playing L4D2, whenever we were in the same team, Cheeyuan always came back to save me when I was lagging behind or went down because a special infected got me. It wasn't the most strategic thing to do considering how we all know that Versus maps are virtually impossible to complete – what you do is to run as fast as you can and try to get as near to the safe room as possible. It was ridiculous, a gesture so small but I felt kind of moved whenever he came back to save me hahaha, especially when I could see my other two teammates just running off.
Maybe it's because we haven't met for too long, maybe we weren't as close as I had thought we were to begin with, but I felt strange talking to the JC kids (Kenny, TJH, Darren); Kenny in particular. With Darren I guess it has been pretty okay whenever we talk one-to-one but today it just felt strange and awkward with Kenny and TJH making jabs about the both of us all because of things that happened one and a half goddamn years ago. The most annoying/amusing part of it all is how they thought I didn't know. But I do.
Phoebe and I have discussed this before. She met up with her JC friends after a year and the marked differences between both parties were apparent and noticeable to both sides. Before, whenever I met up with secondary school friends who have gone on to JC, I have always felt nuances between my behaviour and theirs. Some of the differences were very subtle and I couldn't quite explain what it was, how it was like, so I just brushed those thoughts aside and attributed my awkwardness to my own social inability.
But today it was blatant and the situation stared me in the face. I could no longer deny it – we are different. We have grown to be different. It's scary and amazing at the same time how being put into educational institutes with different systems and purposes – even only for a year – has made us change and grow so much in contrast. I no longer found their jokes funny (my mind kept flashing back to how I would respond to their jokes in the past) and in return to these displays of humour, I could only laugh halfheartedly or force a meek smile.
I found that what I wanted out of a conversation has grown to be different. I didn't, as much as I used to, want to talk about frivolous things anymore. Gossip, while interesting and entertaining, seems to be transitory and unimportant now. I want to know what's going on in their lives. I want to know how they've been. I want to know what they feel about certain things.
I'm not interested in sitting there and hearing them tease and mock each other endlessly anymore.
(Not that I was ever very interested to begin with... But I remembered it as being more fun in the past, and I could sit through conversations like that for long periods of time.)
I guess I've grown out of it. I guess I've grown older – more boring? – and my psyche has changed. I can feel it too. As to whether it is myself and few others close to me who have changed or that poly students in general just grow up faster, though – this is something that eludes me.
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