Thursday, March 22, 2012
I'd rather be with someone taller

"Listen…" I plunged right in. "I can't, I don't think I can go to the dance with you." Josh thought for a second and kind of squinted at me 'cause the sun was in his face. I stood there adjusting my book bag, feeling totally self-conscious.

He nodded a little before he spoke. "Okay… how come?"

"Um…" I didn't expect him to ask how come. I thought he'd just say, "Oh well, have a nice life, bye," or something.

"I just don't…" I started. I wasn't sure how to put it. "I just don't… feel right about it," I said.

"Cause of the whole Leah thing?" Josh said, sounding kind of pissed off.

"I don't know, I guess that's partly–"

"I told you, I don't want to date her!" Josh said, interrupting.

"What are you getting pissed off for?" I said. Then I sort of said under my breath, "I mean, you cheated on me!"

"Excuse me? I didn't exactly cheat on you! It's not like we were girlfriend and boyfriend!" he said. Ouch.

"What?" I said. I felt a combination of wanting to kill him and my heart breaking.

Later, I would think of all the great things I should have said, like, "ANYWAY, I'D RATHER BE WITH SOMEONE TALLER!" or "I LIED ABOUT YOUR TEETH—GET BRACES, ASSHOLE!" or even just a simple "FUCK YOU!" and "EAT SHIT AND DIE!" But nothing even remotely like that came to mind.

"Well, anyway," I said, as if it wasn't clear, "I don't think we should go out anymore. So obviously I'm not going to the Spring Dance with you." And then I actually added, "Have a nice time!" I looked at him in the eyes one last time and turned away to walk to the subway, resisting every impulse to look behind me to see if he was watching me walk away. I felt like an idiot for wishing him a nice time, I mean, why in God's name did I say that? But it didn't really matter 'cause I did it. I broke up with him.

Klepto

Jenny Pollack