Wednesday, January 4, 2012
bitchy
You know how some people say a person is put in your life to teach you a lesson? And that when that person is done teaching his/her lesson, he/she leaves your life because his/her job is done? Well, G, thank you for teaching me so much. For healing my broken heart. It's ironic that the state in which you took me in and changed me, is now the state I have left you in after I abandoned us. I am sorry. Really sorry. You said from the very beginning, somehow you knew this was going to happen, you had a premonition. I guess I would be lying if I said I didn't feel that way too. Deep down, a part of me knew this was going to happen, even when I tried so hard at times to prevent it from happening.
On 16th December last year, I went to celebrate my birthday with my classmates. The evening saw the few of us drinking beer and playing Truth or Dare at Mayfair Park. Because it was my birthday, everyone in the circle let me ask them one question for free. I got to Dynn and I asked him, "Tell me your impression of me. Be brutally honest."
He said, "Actually I like working with you, because you are damn bitchy and straightforward..." And he tattled on about how I was like when we worked during projects.
I don't think anyone would have called me "bitchy and straightforward" before you, G. You taught me not to keep things to myself and to open up to people. You taught me to try and solve a problem by thrashing it out, and not to bottle things up. But I'm sorry I let it go on for so long, in the end I kept how I really felt bottled deep inside of me because I was so afraid of hurting you. But in the end, I still hurt you.
Thank you for having loved me, despite all my flaws and imperfections. I was a hopeless romantic but after some of the things I've been through, I became a cynic. I'm still a cynic. But you let me see that it's possible for love to still exist in a pretty selfless form. I can't thank you enough for all you've given me, I can't apologise enough for how much I have hurt you. You do deserve a girl who can love you selflessly and that girl is not me. I know that girl will be very happy, and I hope then you will be happy too.
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