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Saturday, February 23, 2013
I'm losing my patience for the time that you wasted

You know you've come to a point in the semester where you're getting too cozy with the inertia even though the work keeps coming at an accelerated rate.

Table's a fucking mess. Bed's a fucking mess. Shopping bags are littered around my desk because I've been too lazy to unpack the things I've bought. I have an exam to study for, nearly a hundred terms and concepts to get familiarized with but I haven't started at all. More applications forms for my transfer that remain unfilled and unsent.

Yup, all the symptoms are there.

The most telling sign of all, though, is the shower. I have always been known for taking notoriously long showers. What do you expect, showering is very often my favorite time of the day. People hate the showers in our dorm buildings, and I don't love them, that's for sure – all that nasty hair stuck on the cubicle walls and gathered in a bunch at the shower strainer, ugh, gross – but bathrooms are the few places where you can be alone and no one can bother you. So I'll take it. As long as the water gets hot.

I stood there with water beating down the nape of my neck. I wrapped my arms around myself and stared at my feet. I've done everything I need to in the shower – shampoo, conditioner, rub self down scrupulously with body soap, exfoliate and cleanse my face – but I hold myself there, refusing to get out. Maybe if I stay here long enough the water will erode my body and I will disappear, I had thought.  Hahaha no shit sherlock but I'll probably die before then.

The past week has been a mess, my routine was completely thrown off with that visit to Mount Holyoke. It was worth it, but now I'm completely disoriented and I desperately need to recalibrate myself, steady myself, and head off in the right direction again.




Forever alone. :<


It was worth it because Mount Holyoke was beautiful. It was worth it because it made me realize how much harder I should and can work.


I have also come to a few realizations but I need to consider them more critically before I accept them completely.


I was desperately seeking a good conversation so I went on Omegle to talk to people. As usual most of the messages that came went like this:



What's good about Omegle now, though, compared to the last time I used it (ie 3 years ago) is that you can now fill in your interests and get matched up with someone who has the same interests.

Some conversations amused me greatly:


In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have dismissed him/her. Maybe he/she was making a stab at a joke.

And then I talked to this fat guy who was all depressed about his weight. "Well I'm 16 and male and 460 pounds [208.6kg, for those of you who were too lazy to convert it on Google] and I don't know what to do... I don't know why I let myself get so fat and I don't know what to do about it..." Um, okay. The logical step to take would be to lose weight, dude. I put that across to him as gently as I could and he said he doesn't know if he can do it. I don't know if I should laugh at him or feel sorry for him.

I hate conversations where people just keep talking about themselves though so I wished him good luck and disconnected.

I spoke for over an hour to this great guy. I've got his (middle) name, I know where he's studying, what's he studying, I know the name of his nephew, I know his age, I know he's smart and witty. (Unless he lied about everything.) Sadly I'll never meet him because he doesn't want to. "I'm all about anonymity here," was what he said. I admire that restraint. I always want to keep talking to people I like talking to. I've got his email, but he said he doesn't spend much time online. I doubt I'll ever speak to him again. What a pity.

Made friends with this other guy who added me on Skype. We've spoken a couple of times, the conversation is okay but not as great as the one with that first guy. In case anyone is wondering, no this doesn't mean I am seeking relationship prospects online -_- I don't believe that relationships can work if you haven't spent time getting to know the other party in person. And this guy is gay by the way WTF. Really.

Abrupt ending to post because I am getting too pissed at myself for not doing work now I'm going to do Math.

----------------------------




hello.

17 years young. I enjoy sleeping.

For your stalking pleasure: September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013
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