Sunday, January 27, 2013
stresssssss
I am immensely stressed right now so here I am blogging so that I won't implode within myself. Above are some pictures I have collected from Instagram and Path over the past 2 years or so that remind me of a time where I wasn't as stressed. Probably, at those points in time these pictures came out I was facing some other sorts of pressure from life but all I remember now is the respite, even if it was of a transitory nature, that these pictures brought.
I guess this is how applying to colleges is. Today I woke up with my mind swirling about college applications. How familiar it is, this feeling, I'd felt it back when I was applying to get into college. Now, it's a little different, I'm applying as a transfer. But I think it gets to a point where everything you've been trying to hold up crashes down on you, and that's how it is for me right now.
I think I am managing ok... I'm on the right track, but again it's just the uncertainty that is killing me. I have no idea if I'm going to get accepted, I don't know why this struck me hard the moment I woke up this morning. I've been trying to build a confidence, one that tells myself I will definitely get accepted. I need this to pull me through till the decision letters are sent. But today I cannot push away these doubts anymore and they're settling themselves down in the room of my mind, making themselves comfortable in the couches and helping themselves to the snacks on the coffee table.
Uncertainty scares me most of all, it always has. From a rational perspective I have already accepted the knowledge that there is nothing in life to fear because even if you have failed in some way or the other, maybe that's just a foundation for something even greater. Yesterday I could have done so much, but I squandered away a lot of my precious time watching Harry Potter and JK Rowling documentaries on YouTube. JK Rowling said that "rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life". So I know that if I am really rejected, it's not the end of the world and I'd just try to see it as a starting point for something even better. But it's just...
I would be so, so disappointed if I don't get into Moho. I will be so crushed. After all this effort too.... After all this money I'm about to spend, just to go there for an interview.
Although the A'levels results aren't out yet I know plenty of my friends would be feeling this stress too (or perhaps some are experiencing it already), when the time comes for them to take a leap forward to the next step of their lives. I hope you all know you're not alone.
I shan't go on any longer, I have many things I have to do for today. Well I'm actually excited to do these things I have on a list in front of me but if only this worry would stop bothering me......
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