Monday, December 24, 2012
Am in a hotel room in Paris now with my siblings. And the stench of my brother's feet wtf.
As a family we went out for dinner someplace near the hotel just now, at some kebab place. And then we started to talk about stupid things we did as a kid. I already knew I was very stupid as a kid, always living in my own world, but our conversation reinforced that fact sighpie. (Sighpie is a disgusting and act cute phrase I don't like it.) So here are some dumb things I did as a kid.
Once, my mom bought too many bottles of soya sauce and didn't have enough space for all of them on the condiments rack. She walked away slightly frustrated cos one of the bottles had to be left on the counter, instead of on the rack. I decided to try and be helpful, so I took a 1 liter bottle of Coke from the fridge and drank what little was left in it. After rinsing the bottle, I climbed onto the kitchen counter and began to pour soya sauce from the bottles into Coke bottle slowly and cautiously to prevent spillage.
Finally, after like 20 minutes or something I was done and the Coke bottle was full with soya sauce. I was feeling proud of myself and was about to cap the bottle and place it on the condiments rack. At this point in time, the gate jangled and closed shut, and I heard my dad bellow, "Papa 回来了！" I called out, "Papa!" It is exactly what we were told to do – greet the adults when they got home. Hearing my voice, my dad came into the kitchen and kissed my head. He then exclaimed loudly, "Wha 我口很渴啊！" ("Wha I'm damn thirsty!") and before I could do anything, he grabbed the bottle of Coke I had just filled with soya sauce and took a huge gulp.
And then he sputtered and cried, "为什么这么鹹的？！？！" ("Why is it so salty?!?!")
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When my grandma was still alive, she liked to buy us random pieces of clothing, just things we saw at the market and thought was cute. Strangely, she bought my sister this pink shirt with cartoon caricatures of shit in different styles and colors. My sister loved the shirt cos it was extremely comfortable.
And then I don't know what happened (this story is from my brother, he recounted it to us just now at dinner), but I got into a fight with my sister. We were arguing and then I cried, "至少我的衣服没有大便！" ("At least I don't have shit on my clothes!") And my sister burst into tears LOLOL. My mom came in to see what happened and I got scolded.
The ironic thing is, in the end when my sister grew out of the shirt I received it as a hand-me-down WTF. And I wore the shirt for years until it became too short for me.
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In P1, we were just learning how to write Chinese characters. I don't know why but I wanted to learn how to write "大便" and "小便" ("shit" and "pee" respectively la). I don't know why I was such a gross child. But anyway. I had asked my parents how to write those characters but they refused to teach me ("不用学这种不好听的字！" "You don't need to learn such unbecoming terms!"). A couple of days later in school we learnt how to write "大" and"小".
And I still remembered my goal to learn how to write 大便小便. I don't even know why I was that insistent – the only reasons that seem plausible that kind of strike a chord are either a) I wanted to learn the terms so I could insult people; and b) I wanted to learn the terms so that I could brag to people, "Eh look I know how to write 大便小便!" Wtf either way both are not very flattering reasons.
I went home and asked my dad, "Papa, 怎样写 ‘方便’ 的 ‘便’？"
And my dad was really happy, like, wow my kid is so inquisitive and intellectually curious! So he happily traced the word on his palm with his finger, and told me to trace the word where he had written it on his palm. After that, to ensure that I got the word right, he wrote it down on paper, and asked me to write it so that I would know. When I finally got the word right, I thanked him, and he asked why I wanted to learn how to write that particular word.
"因为我叫你们教我怎样写 ‘大便小便’，可是你们不要教我。我会写 ‘大’ 还有 ‘小’，所以有了 ‘方便’ 的 ‘便’ 我就会写 ‘大便’ 和 ‘小便’ 了！"
My dad found it funny and told my mom about it and she said I was a disgusting girl T____T
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In P1, I thought homework was optional and only did it when the teacher asked for it in class, so I frequently turned in my homework late (this remark is even reflected in my report card hahahaha). I also didn't understand the concept of a timetable and everyday I would bring all my books and files to school WTF. I would leave my exercise books at home only if I was sure we didn't need it that day, i.e., "Oh this piece of homework is not due today." (But because I didn't understand that homework was mandatory work I frequently left my exercise books at home even when we needed them)
So that year I did really bad and often got publicly embarrassed in class because our form teacher Mrs. Tien would pull my ear and make me stand in front of the whole class, or get me to stand up alone and have the class chant my name by asking, "Who didn't turn in her homework?" (Sometimes it wasn't only me who was alone in not handing in work on time though.) Wtf thinking back she is diabolical.
So in P2 I was extremely amazed and pleased with myself when I finally understood the concept of homework; finally, my bag magically seemed lighter and neater now that I knew how to arrange the books based on my timetable! And I was excelling academically that year. I was extremely proud of myself cos I'd thought that packing your bag is a secret that only I knew.
That first semester, I came in first in class. One night during the June holidays I was lying on the sofa with my leg propped up against my knee and my mom walked in, taking in the sight of my unglamorous lying position. She told me to stop watching TV and to go study. I then smugly replied, "我已经班上考第1名了，你还想要我怎样？" ("I'm already the first in class, what more do you want me to do?")
Ok shall stop now cos this post is getting too long and I wanna shower.
Merry Christmas (Eve) everyone.
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