Saturday, November 17, 2012
balance
Stupid Hannah is talking on the phone again in her whiny voice.
Not sure if people realize, but do you all notice how a girl's voice changes sometimes when she's talking to guys? I remember back in secondary school there was this girl everyone disliked and we all realized that the pitch of her voice goes up several notches when she's talking to boys, compared to when it's with girls.
Last night I went for a discussion panel about diversity held by the Advancement of Black Culture lol. I know perhaps people might think it's weird that I'm going to start going to these meetings, I know my sister certainly found it strange. But I really think I'll like these meetings, although yesterday when we were asked to look around the room some of the black girls gasped dramatically and exclaimed, "AN ASIAN!" The room was predominantly people of color, and I was the only Asian there.
I suppose this is the reason why I hang out with Michelle and Ureka, because they are people of color too (Hispanic and black, respectively). In a school like this where most students are drawn from this predominantly white region, many of the students here are racist without even knowing it. More and more, after being placed in the situation where I am the minority after living in a place where I've been the majority race for all my life, I am increasingly enlightened as to how minority groups are systemically oppressed and discriminated against. Often it is not forward, blatant things that are intended to offend, but systems to support minority groups are really not well-structured, or present at all.
On Tuesday I was one of the student panelists on the International Club panel. The event wasn't very well-advertised, because apart from several members of the club that were there to help set things up, only two other students turned up. There were 6 of us on the panel and we sat in this order from left to right:
Shaden (Senior in her home country's college, Arabic TA here for the year. Egypt.)
Raoul (don't know how to spell his name. Exchange student. Brazil.)
Aman (Senior, class of 2016. Indian, but born and bred in Thailand.)
Me (Singapore of course HAHA)
Vy Dang (terrible at English despite having did high school in US. Freshman, like me. Vietnam.)
Melody (Senior, class of 2016 as well. China.)
Shaden started off with a rather frivolous note: "Oh I really like the library here cos in my country it closes at 4 PM..." It made me feel apprehensive cos I was going to talk about things in a not-so-positive note. Raoul mentioned some negative aspects about the college but generally his spiel was positive.
And then Aman launched into a very detailed and well-thought speech about the problem of diversity on campus and why international students find it difficult to adjust and thrive here. I mentioned a few negative things here and there; Vy, in her broken English, told a story of her struggle to adjust when she first came to the States. Melody explained why she thinks international students and American students may not necessarily gel well and the common misconceptions between both parties.
I was blown away by how succinct and well-planned Melody and Aman's speeches were, I guess this is why they're seniors. What they said really sharpened the edges of the situation I had been trying to grasp, but can't really seem to articulate. But after this week I feel like the box I have been sequestered into has opened up a little, and I am beginning to see some light. I understand the campus better now I guess.
After the diversity panel last night we went for dinner and then went to the game room. For the first time in... A year? I think? – under strong encouragement from Michelle and Ureka I went on one of those racing car arcade machine things in the game room. Despite being placed on the easiest course, I was crashing into stuff all over and came in 8th. At one point I spat at the machine, "Fuck you!" And Michelle and Ureka laughed for minutes.
The reason why we stuck around the campus center was because we were waiting for the week's late night event to begin. This week's late night event was Psychic and Crafts, and the activities programming team brought in a tarot card reader and numberology person! While waiting, people could sit at the side and make dream catchers.
I had my reading done with Michelle, we were both given a stack of cards each to shuffle.
The reading was really spot-on for both of us, although each reading was only 5 minutes due to the time constraint placed on the tarot card reader by the programming team. After shuffling the deck of cards he took it from her and told her to pick out three cards. He looked at her cards and explained to her that the wheel of fortune is in her favor and if she has been experiencing a downturn in her life, things are going to get better. And that her boyfriend is a good man, and he will be able to support her emotionally and monetarily. Of course she was really happy to hear that, and I do agree that Geoff is a really nice guy too!
He turned to me and splayed the deck of cards I had shuffled in front of me, and told me to pick three cards too. One of the cards I had picked was this:
The Strength card. And looking at this he said to me, "I can tell that for you, balance is one of the most important things in your life," and I was like OMGWTFBBQ HOW DID YOU KNOW ok no actually I didn't, I just gave a little shriek and cried "Omg that's so true!" Ever since I don't know when, I think perhaps last year, one of the central themes of my life has been "balance". I really believe in the idea of balance because for me I really feel it's the only way to be happy. I cannot reconcile with being happy all the time because I like to feel sad LOL so I do feel there has to be a balance between the two. I don't really believe that anyone can be happy, or sad all the time. I don't really know how to articulate this belief so I'm going to leave it at that for now. AND AND AND this is a huge coincidence but after I went back to my dorm room and looked up this tarot card on Google, I realized that the maiden in the card has a halo in the form of an infinity sign! Is this coincidental for what, for months now I have been contemplating getting a tattoo in this design.
From my two other cards he gathered that he sees a very supportive male figure in my life, and he said, "I think it is your dad," which is totally true. For the skeptics, I tried to be as unbiased as I could and tried to sound out his statements from a broader view by trying to see if what he said was vague and could apply to anyone. Perhaps people would think that the chances are that most fathers are supportive, but why is it that he recognised it is my father who is supportive, and didn't pinpoint a boyfriend like he did with Michelle?
He then proceeded to say that I have been thinking about creation, in terms of business and for my career. Which is true, because I've been contemplating about my future and I have no idea what I'm going to do for a living but I have been considering the idea of a job where I am in control of the direction things go. He said that I would be successful if this is what I want, and that my dad would definitely support me if I decide to go ahead with this, especially monetarily. I find this to be rather true because I can totally see my dad giving me financial support if I want to start my own business, I'm not saying my mom wouldn't offer the same support but somehow I just find it harder to imagine. But that being said I never had the idea of asking my parents for money to start a business, or at least, asking for money without returning it.
Going back to the room, I turned on my laptop and Googled our tarot card reader. It turns out he has his own Wikipedia page, is an author, has a Ph.D. from New York University and is HIV-positive. I told this to Michelle and Ureka and we mused over WHY he would choose to be a tarot card reader when he is so obviously well-equipped academically to take on an occupation he can earn more money from. My only conclusion is that he is really spiritual and genuinely believes in what he does.
He gave us his card and on it is the address of his office, which is in Pittsburgh. I am really tempted to go for a reading and shall propose this idea to Michelle, who has already casually brought it up HAHAHA. I am not sure if she would still want to go for it, though, if she finds out that he charges USD$45 for a half hour session, or $80 an hour. I discovered his charges from, er, his blog, after I stalked him online a bit.
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