Thursday, October 11, 2012
The day before we left New York for college I refused to go to the wax museum and double-decked bus night tour because I was nearly broke. Instead, I hopped on the subway and took a train back to Queens, making my way back to the hotel alone (something I had been strongly advised against doing).
Actually, looking back, I don't know what the big fuss is about New York being a dangerous city. Sure, people can be rude, racist and ripoffs (hurhurhur look at my use of alliteration here. Actually I only included "ripoffs" just so I could proudly employ alliteration), but I don't feel it's that unsafe a place. I got back to the hotel safe in one piece! (Except for a whole bunch of hair I dropped along the way, I always fidget with my hair everywhere I go and it keeps dropping. No, I do not have a hair loss problem, I just have long hair)
Strange as it is, the solitude was something I greatly enjoyed. It led me to conclude that it's never the place that matters, or the things you do, but it's the people you're with that make the difference.
Based on one of the previous posts, it goes without saying that my general attitude towards Jihee throughout the trip can be summed up in two words: pissed off. Actually, when I went back to read that post again today, I feel kind of bad. Why, why was I so angry then. As they always say, do not incur the wrath of a girl on PMS. Or, actually, do not incur the wrath of a girl at all.
And then Song Qian had this perpetually depressed air about him, I think he felt rather sore from his breakup with his girlfriend. Honestly though, I don't see what he has to be so depressed about, seeing as how he admitted to having feelings for Yuan (I had, the night before our trip, very directly asked him, "Tell me honestly, are you like, interested in Yuan or something?"). But I'm not going to judge because I, of all people, should understand the complexities of a relationship – it is not something a bystander can ever fully comprehend. One thing I have to say, though: I got extremely uncomfortable when he started to poke me or push my head around. I think once I got so annoyed I even snapped at him "干嘛啦！！" HAHAHAHA
Now look at that huge digression.
The main idea is that I didn't quite enjoy the company during this trip so even though I was holed up in the hotel alone, I was glad. I took a long shower, ordered Chinese delivery and read a couple of chapters of The Great Gatsby. And after all that procrastination I began to read the texts for Women's Studies. One of them was online, and referenced Ann Romney (that's the wife of US presidential candidate, for the uninitiated), so out of curiosity I went to her Wikipedia page. I had no particular interest in her so I entertained myself by reading only the tantalizing aspects of her life... I.e., her life story.
I learned that Mitt Romney unofficially proposed to her at his junior prom – she was only 16 then – and she agreed. They had only been dating for a few months. So Mitt Romney goes off to some... Mormon missionary for a two and half year stay, and throughout this period the both of them continue to correspond, quite romantically, through letters. Eventually, Ann goes off to Brigham Young University where she apparently fends off a plethora of suitors, until finally she begins to develop an interest in one guy who "reminds her of Mitt". She writes Mitt Romney a Dear John letter of sorts, and he, panicked and forlorn, writes back imploring her to wait for him. And she does.
She, along with the Romney family, picks him up at the airport when he returns. On that same day they decide to get married lol. Three months later they are married, Ann soon becomes pregnant with what would be the first of their five sons while she is still in college. After graduation she becomes a full-time housewife.
This all sounds like a very romantic story, but who knows for sure if it could be real? It's also mentioned somewhere else that Mitt Romney loves his wife very dearly – on long, family road trips he has a strict policy of making no unplanned stops for the bathroom, but would break this rule without hesitation for his wife. Based on media reports I've read about Ann Romney, she gives me the feeling of being, um, rather in awe of her husband and kind of like a stupid, deferential 小女人 hahaha that might be mean but I can't help it. She really comes across to me in that way.
I don't think I will ever be able to exceedingly subservient to my husband/boyfriend, ever. I will never give up my career just to stay home and take care of the kids. The most I would go would be to cut back on time spent at work – that's as far as I would go. And even then I would expect my husband to make some compromises too.
As nice as it is to feel protected, I think guys tend to have a wrong interpretation of chivalry. It's like holding the door open or pulling my chair out... I really have no problem doing that, I am perfectly capable of doing it. Of course there are plenty of other less obvious examples, but these are the ones that come off the top of my head. Or like how when it's raining and you share an umbrella, the guy always holds the umbrella. I feel really conflicted because I enjoy such concessions but they perpetuate the sense that girls are weak. And I enjoy such concessions not because "I am a girl", but more because, um... "I am lazy to hold the umbrella, it's not that I can't do it but it makes it so much easier that someone else is doing it for me, saves me a sore in the arm".
Still, though, if the relationship between Mitt and Ann Romney is just as it is reported, then I'm slightly envious. Even till today, although I'm skeptical, deep down I can't accept the idea of marrying someone I am not completely enraptured with. I mean, that might seem kind of stupid but I pondered about it and thought, who in my life have I ever loved just as much as, or more than myself? Certainly no one in my family (I'm going to hell for this), for sure. Of my friends – maybe, in the past, when I was still had a certain naivete and belief that your closest friends were literally worth dying for, but that faith in people has eroded over the years and assumed a wary and doubtful form. And I thought of the people I used to date and the answer came to me almost instantaneously: no, not really.
Am I, then, a heartless and selfish person? I have been this way as long as I remember. Even as a kid. I still strongly believe, though, that if you don't love yourself enough, you will never be able to love someone else quite adequately.
Wow how did this become such a lengthy discourse.
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