Monday, August 6, 2012
Originally meant to be posted on 28th July 2012
Lying on my bed commiserating the events of the evening that just passed.
I went for a barbeque my godaunt (she's my dad's godsister so by relation she's my godaunt I suppose haha) held. I haven't seen her in YEARS. And I was so glad to finally meet her cos over the years she would occasionally float up to the surface of my mind. Eventually, a year or so back she found me on Facebook and we have been in sporadic contact since. Also met Yee Po-po. It feels nice meeting people whom you know have loved you all your life. Even though we all haven't met in so long I feel this inexplicable sense of closeness to them.
Anyway, Ben went along too for the BBQ hahaha it was quite funny when my godaunt's son Max held up a Carlsberg and asked him if he wanted beer.
They say I have slimmed down over the years however the sad truth is that the only way my weight has been going is up!!! I don't really know if it's a good thing to lose my baby fats (even though I was so eager to be rid of them back in the past) cos I look older now. I think I was more attractive in the past cos I looked younger then.
I had a great time catching up with them and talking about events of years past.
I left at 9.45 and took a cab over to Enaq... When was the last time I even went there?
There was Ben Chia, Felicia, Haisong and I and it kinda felt like the old times... Like, really, really old times, when we were all Sec 2? Which is a freaking 4 years ago, I don't know where all the time went. It's pretty mind-blowing, in a way. It's kind of sad how we will all never be able to be as close as we used to be back in 2008 but it's nice to know that at least we are all still on pretty good terms.
In their presence I relax and snuggle into this state of comfort and that surprises me. Maybe it's the familiarity, I don't know. There are some things I don't say to them anymore but with them I'm way more outspoken than with some of my other friends I see more.
I am glad I met Felicia this year because it made me realize that at least for now, it would be pretty difficult for us to be close like how we used to be. Because we've both changed. And that made me feel a lot better cos it made me step out of that 'if only we were still friends' state. I've been able to treat her normally ever since.
I was quite annoyed with Ben Chia previously but now I've come to accept that he's just like that. I'm glad he's still a part of my life though, no matter how small.
What's most unsettling of all was how distant Haisong seemed. I guess it was to be expected because maybe after Sec 2, he never really felt close to me at all.
I felt kinda happy though, in that small shop with my egg prata and cup of teh tarik. When was the last time I even laughed so much?
Justin joined us about 12ish. Ben Chia and I took Felicia's phone and replied to Sweden's messages for fun but he was extremely aloof in his replies. It was shocking to me cos that wasn't the him I knew so long ago. But 4 years of being awkward friends has put a lot of distance between us, and inevitably we have both changed.
Haisong, Felicia and I walked to Justin's estate cos he was driving us back. On the car ride back we spoke a little about Gelasia and Haisong before he got off first. He was extremely reticent and though that upset me a little, I could understand why.
[incomplete post]
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