Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I haven't forgotten about you, like never


Not like I'm trying to fake demure and devoted and whatever loyal shit.


I still think about you everyday, still remember the little details of everything.


What's moving on?


I don't force myself to forget, neither do I force myself to recall and remember anything.


Some things, some feelings, are just etched so deep, if you try to scrape it just so to smoothen out the surface so it looks fine on the outside, it's going to hurt. And the scars are still permanent.


Should I even question the value of the relationship, how much is it worth to you, how much am I worth to you, that you can just walk away and pretend nothing happened and vigorously want me out of your life, and try to drown the memories with other things.


Why am I crying on a random Thursday night, way past my bedtime, and the tears wouldn't stop no matter how much I want them to.


We all make stupid mistakes, and I tried so hard to change for the better, why didn't you see and appreciate it, I may not be the best, but I've never tried so hard in my life before, and I believe I've tried harder than most people would. Do I not deserve at least a second chance? Do I not deserve the right to at least know where my mistakes are so that I can improve?


Have you ever thought about how I would feel? Have you considered my feelings? What have you been blinded by all of a sudden, will you see this? Will you see this and not think this is some disgusting crap...


Everyone tells me things will be fine, someone else will come along, the pain will go away, but there's no use if all the "someone else"-s come along unless I get my heart back


Am angry, angry at myself, were you just a lie that I happily made up by myself,