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Sunday, June 24, 2012

More than ever I just want to be alone. To wrap myself up in my own embrace and soak in the company of my own self and the quiet of all insentience surrounding me. I don't know how to say what I feel. I feel shell-shocked and stupefied into oblivion and my heart feels empty, like everything has been dredged out. But at the same time something's weighing me down and I feel an insatiable need to pour it all out, purge myself of this... Poison, whatever it is, inside me. And then it is too late. It is too late.

I have never fought so hard before. Or tried so hard before. I don't know if that says a lot. Maybe I'm selfish. I keep telling myself there could be more. But if this is so, then all the attempts I've made towards anything for the past 17 and half years of my life – do they all count as naught? I've been told to try harder. It's ingrained in my blood now to know there can still be more. When will it end? I'm torn between thinking how if this is what it's meant to be, it's supposed to be easy, and how all beautiful things in life have to be fought for. Does bliss lie in contending or contentment?


If I am wrong, it kinda shows that I've been living my whole life erroneously, you know? That I am a bad person is something I've always brushed aside until now. I can't shake this feeling. Has my whole being been a big fucking lie all this while.


 How is this ever going to be?

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hello.

17 years young. I enjoy sleeping.

For your stalking pleasure: September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013
skinned bypeanut butter, using a pattern fromstart-static & stocks from Pixeden.