Saturday, June 9, 2012
fantastically rueful
Don't mind me because this post would probably be fraught with nonsense.
As I typed 'fraught' just now my phone tried to auto-correct it to Craig which reminds me of Theo.
I've got a pocket filled up to the brim with sunshine and rainbows and the ghosts of my pasts and the skeletons no this sentence does not make sense.
I can feel the bitter taste of grass in each breath I exhale, this despite having had four hours, half a plate of fried rice, some Coke and ice cream pressed down in my stomach.
Right now I feel this inherent need to be happy. To be confident. I feel like if I don't grasp hold of these things – happiness and confidence – quick, they're going to slip by me and not come by for a very, very long time or possibly even forever. I don't know why I'm making things out to be so drastic and dramatic but this fear is real and it's striking me so hard.
Sayuri from Memoirs of a Geisha is a Japanese and she has blue-grey eyes and I'm envious. I'm Asian too, although not Japanese, but why can't I be special enough to be an Asian with blue-grey eyes?
Did I lose my love to someone better / and does she love you like I do, I do / You know I really really do
Oh cheesy old songs.
Note to self: do my part of work for PR tomorrow before meeting Fibi for Zouk. While it may sound like we're very cool and going clubbing, we are actually going for Fashion Feud LOL. We're still pretty cool though.
“I don't know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late.”
It's raining outside right now. Someday soon I want to just chill and lie in the pouring rain while it's dark outside.
I feel fantastically rueful. This feeling, it's bittersweet
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