Tuesday, September 20, 2011
On the bus to town
I'm at the bus stop now waiting for my bus to town. Blogging on my phone for the first time, I just downloaded the Blogger app.
Often I wonder how a family is supposed to be like, that is, a happy one. Truth be told it's been years since I've been in a happy family. Well I know in comparison to some people I'm really well off already, what with abusive parents and the like in other families and all.
I can't believe that despite being my parents' child for over 16 years, I still don't know what they want of me. I'm utterly confused......
Well yeah every parent wishes for their child to be happy and they want the best for their child. But they don't realize that their ideals of what 'happy' and 'the best' may not be what it is at all.
Sure you can say it's the thought that counts but the fact is, life is never that simple.
Cannot wait to grow up and be financially independent. And to leave this place (not my blog I mean the house I'm staying in).
(I'm on the bus now)
My parents, my family, makes me so afraid to start a family of my own when I grow up. All my life since I shed the rose-tinted glasses of childhood innocence, what I've witnessed from my parents is a man and woman, unhappy together, tied down to their marriage mostly because of obligation and duty. The idea of a happy marriage, that a man and woman can love each other and not scream and threaten divorce 2792937298 times a year is just hard to imagine. I know there are people in happy/satisfactory marriages out there. There are tons of these people!!! But my parents make me so afraid I'll never be one of those happy people.
I keep thinking, "When I grow up, I'm never gonna be like that. I will never treat my kids this way." This is not said (or rather thought) out of immature pettiness. I know there are times when my parents correct me because I was wrong. But at the same time, there are many things they did that I just can't think up a plausible explanation for.
Sadly, I know it's impossible I won't be like my parents at least a little bit if I have kids of my own. Their methods of parenting will definitely manifest itself in the future when I have kids of my own. Because this is all I've known, all my life.
Kids will always inherit their parents temperament in some ways. I think I got one of the worst combos ever. I have inherited my dad's maverick predisposition and outward cool/indifference. I can always pretend like some things don't bother me or don't matter to me, but they really do. I can't express my feelings well (unless it's when I'm blogging or something). Just like my dad.
My mum is the single most emotional person I've ever met. She is so emotional, she is hardly rational at all. Ever want her to settle an argument? Forget about it. She can't be the least bit objective. It's damn suay this is what I got from her - being overemotional and oversensitive.
Thankfully, because my dad is so rational and hardly emotional at all, I'm not as subjective and unreasonable as my mum is.
(bus is in town now)
Isn't it such a shame? My sister's friend once told her adults are just kids with more money. I think that really applies well to my parents.
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